Air China 飞北京的路途上，空姐给飞机上的老外上餐 … 老外问：What is this? 空姐答：Cake China ( 馒头 ) 老外问：What is this?空姐答：Pizza China ( 馅饼 )老外问：What is this?空姐答：Salad China ( 黄瓜 )这时空姐放了一个屁老外又问：What is this?空姐妙答：Air China ( 中国民航 ) 

1、Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, "As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children." St. Peter lets him enter. The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives." St. Peter tells him to go ahead. The last man says, "I was an HMO manager. I got countless families cost-effective health care." St. Peter replies, "You may enter. But," he adds, "You can only stay for three days. After that, you can go to hell." HMO ：Health Maintenance Organization 卫生维护组织

2、I saw two dogs walk over to a parking meter. One said to the other, "How do you like that? Pay toilets."

3、A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food." The panda yells back, "Hey, man, I'm a panda. Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary to panda: "A tree-climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

4、Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and asks, "This taste funny to you?"cannibal ：食人者, 吃同类的动物

6、How do you keep a jackass in suspense? I'll let you know tomorrow!jackass ：公驴, 愚人, 傻子

7、Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I'll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby. "I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. "What did the doctor say?" the victim cries. "He says you're gonna die."rattlesnake ：<美>[动]响尾蛇

9、Do you know what you get when you play a country song backward? You get your job back, you get your house back, your wife back, your truck back...

Be good for nothing A little boy says to his mother, "Mom, I'll be good for a dollar" The mother replies, "I shouldn't have to pay you to be good, you should be good all the time" The little boy says, "OK Mom, I'll be good for 50 cents." The mother says,"I shouldn't have to pay you to be good you should be good all the time. The little boy says, "OK Mom, I'll be good for a 25 cents." The mother says,"How many times do I have to tell you I shouldn't have to pay you to be good. You should be good for nothing, just like your father." 注：good for nothing 有 毫无价值 的意思。

What's DC stand for?An American teacher asked one of her pupils, "What's the nation's capital?" The reply was "Washington DC" On being asked what the "DC" stood for, the pupils all answered："Dot com!" 歪评：小学生明显“没有常识”嘛，华盛顿怎么说也该是Dot Org 嘛，呵呵。

How to reject a manGG：Can I buy you a drink?MM：Actually I'd rather have the money. GG：Can I have your name?MM：Why? Don't you already have one? GG：I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.MM：I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.GG：Is this seat empty? MM：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.GG：Haven't I seen you some place before? MM：Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.GG：Will you go out with me this Saturday? MM：Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend. GG：I think I could make you very happy.MM：Why? Are you leaving?歪评：拒绝人的两大法宝：装疯卖傻、话里藏针。（p.s 要是那位仁兄太实在了，还是有话直说吧）

A Dollar Per PointA professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a ＄100 bill to his test with a note saying 〃A dollar per point.〃 The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out. This student got back his test grade and ＄41 change.

以下加翻译了~~~~~考虑一下----

你知道我是干什么的吗？ One night a hotel caught fire,and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes. Two men stood outside and looked at the fire. "Before I came out," said one,"I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People don't think of money when they're afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire, the fire burns it. So I took all the bills that I could find.No one will be poorer because I took them." "You don't know my work?" said the other. "What is your work?" "I'm a policeman. "Oh!" cried the first man. He thought quickly and said,"And do you know my work?""No,"said the policeman. "I'm a writer. I'm always telling stories about things that never happened." 一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡衣就跑了出来。 两个人站在外面，看着大火。 “在我出来之前，”其中一个说：“我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬。所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了。没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。” “你不知道我是干什么的。”另一个说。 “你是干什么的？” “我是警察。” “噢！”第一个人喊了一声。他灵机一动，说：“那你知道我是干什么的？”“不知道。”警察说。 “我是个作家。我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。”

A little girl's grandfather had a long beard, but one morning he shaved it off. When he came down to breakfast, the little girl cried, "Grandpa! Whose head have you got on?".

一个小女孩的爷爷留着很长很长的胡子，但是有天早上他把胡子刮掉了。当他从楼上下来吃早饭的时候，小女孩惊呼到：“爷爷！你用的谁的脑袋啊？”

有看不懂的问我就行了-----我回家查查字典就告诉大家`~~~`

The mean man’s party　　The notorious cheap skate explaining to a friend how to find his apartment.he said.〃Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open.push with your foot.〃 　　〃Why use my elbow and foot?〃　　〃Well.gosh,〃 was the reply.〃You’re not coming empty-hangded.are you?〃

吝啬鬼请客　　一个出了名的吝啬鬼在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”　　“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”

Send the Bill to My Father　　Doctor： 〃I can do nothing for your complaint. It is hereditary.〃　　Patient： 〃then send the bill to my father，please.〃