三小木木 三小木木
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< 拉隆"夫妻相性100问" >---作者 兰若 转自 天马梦想 拉达仰在床上盯着杂志的一页,不时偷眼看一下传出水声的浴室,N久,终于有人边擦头发边出来了。“那个,我来,我来……”凑过去接过毛斤,并顺势把杂志摆在来人眼皮底下。“哟,什么啊?你还看书?真看不出来……”加隆定睛一看,“夫妇相性饼切100问?什么东西?”“……挺无聊一测试,我瞄一眼就翻过去了。”微微脸红,“你有兴趣啊?”“我?有啊!”头发擦的差不多了,加隆抬起头,笑,“回头我找撒加……”“???!!!你……你你你你!!!!!你们!!!!”惊恐的坐在地上。“……让他拿着找艾俄洛斯做去。”尖牙一露,小恶魔得意的笑。“加隆你这家伙……”无力的靠着床沿。“哎,上来!”加隆靠在床头招呼。“……哦,好啊!”眨眨眼睛,笑的很有深意的起身。一本杂志砸到拉达脸上,“反正也还早,不如做这个吧!”“我想做别的……” “你说什么?”“……没……做这个就做吧……”(有些动词真是博大精深啊……)1、请问您的名字是拉达曼迪斯(以下简称拉)(被T了一脚后回答):拉达曼迪斯加隆(以下简称加):加隆……咦?拉:怎么?加:我们好象只有名,没有姓啊!拉:那怎么办?那车田老头想那么多名字容易吗你还让他想姓?别难为他吧!……啊,隆,你想有个姓吗?不如我帮你搞定……啊!加(收回腿):哪来这么多话!下题!2 年龄是加:28拉(犹豫的):23……虽然我比隆你年轻,但是,我绝对是个成熟的男人!加(冷笑一声):我知道。拉(冷汗):你知道?加(若无其事的):成熟男人的洛丽塔情结——你盯着别人小时候的照片比看本人专注多了!拉(窦娥状):隆!你怎么又来了!我不是已经解释过那是因为我房间只有那么一样东西可以看所以下意识的去看的啊!难道你让我喝酒的时候看那只两栖类……啊……加(收回手):你不只成熟,简直熟过了——更年期!拉:……3 性别是拉:男。加:男。4 请问您的性格是怎样的?拉(思考):性格?……认真负责,沉稳冷静,责任心强……加(白一眼):喂,这不是写招聘简历!拉(有些不满的):我本来就是这样啊!加(上下打量):哦……再加一句,死缠烂打。拉(汗):可以说不达目的誓不罢休吗?加(不理):我的性格?嗯……桀傲不训,有野心,有实力,有智慧,有勇气……拉(白一眼):恭喜你啊,隆,居然会用排比的修辞方法哦!不如加一条,有哥哥……加(威胁的瞥):我还有哥夫呢……拉(偷笑,然后惨叫):……嘿……啊~~~~加(收回台灯):继续!拉(环顾四周,不安):……好象还有很多称他手的没用……5 对方的性格呢?加:刚才说过了,死缠烂打吗!拉:就这?加:要不加一个欠揍?拉:算了……隆你吗……(突然看见加隆拿起一个装满水的保温瓶)当然是强大的,完美的,让人不能不心悦诚服的存在啊!加(喝口水,把瓶放下):算你有眼光。6 两个人是什么时候相遇的?在哪里?加:一场无聊战争的战场上。拉:同意——那场所谓的战争唯一的意义就是我们的相遇。加(稀奇的看):哟?拉:干嘛?加:文化水平见长啊!拉:我好歹也念了两年大学,谁跟你们圣域似的连个学都……加:嗯?拉:啊,我是说,我们都是些苯人,不像隆你天赋异秉,自学成才……加:哼!7 对对方的第一印象是?拉(很认真的表情):一定要说吗?……那么,很强的对手,很难缠的敌人。加(吹口哨):有意思的大个子,看得出有点傻。拉(受打击):傻?加:从开始就一直追着我跑,哭着喊着要跟我单打独斗,有个群扁我的机会你看起来比我还不爽……拉:(无语)……加:不过,傻的很有趣也很可爱就对了……拉(激动):隆!(一把想要搂过来)加(闪身,拉达的手碰到了床头木板):下一题!8 喜欢对方的哪一点呢?
Interesting Quotes Black holes are where God divided by zero. All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.OK, so what's the speed of dark?How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.I intend to live forever - so far, so good.Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?What happens if you get scared half to death twice?I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.No one is listening until you make a mistake. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.Two wrongs are only the beginning.You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.Change is inevitable... except from vending machines.A fool and his money are soon partying.Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.Half the people you know are below average.99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
新版童话:狼和羊的故事 [ZT] 新版童话:狼和羊的故事 话说有那么一座山,山青水秀,丰庶富饶,半山处最好的地方生活着一群羊,羊们守着天赐的足水足食,过得很舒服,以为自已就是这山上唯一的统治者。 直到有一天忽然冲下来一群狼,羊们在损失惨重后才意识到山项是狼的世界,没有什么比狼对羊的威胁更大了,羊们的日子开始暗无天日。 老羊头领是个投降派,一味地为了保命不予抵抗,甚至还把不听话的热血青羊送入狼口,这么一来,羊们觉得攘外必先安内,于是造了老羊的反,新一代羊领袖诞生了。这个领袖有着过羊的智慧和惊羊的胆识,羊们象崇拜水源一样的崇拜他,都尊称他为“大水”,特别是大水领着众羊奇迹般地打退了一次狼的进攻后,羊们更加发疯似地爱戴他,家家户户都挂着大水的肖像,言必称大水,大水说的话被印成了小册子,每羊一本。 但是狼依旧在吃羊,羊们几无还蹄之力,整日里东躲西藏的,羊们活得十分辛苦。终于有一天,大水召集众羊开会。大水说他和狼们有了一次谈判,狼首领同意由大水每天提供给狼足够的羊,这样狼就不再下山来捕羊了,在狼吃饱的前提下,羊们可以过一种相对平安的日子。羊们被这个谈判结果弄呆了,因为这样每天就将有不少数量的羊被送上山去吃掉,那么羊们最终不是全被吃完了嘛,大水为什么要同意这样做呢?    但是羊们还是相信大水的权威,他是几百年来羊群中罕见的睿智的领袖,高瞻远瞩无羊能比,羊们仰望着大水希望他只不过是说了一个玩笑。    大水语气沉痛但十分刚毅地说,这是一个没有法子的法子,这不是玩笑而是即将施行的法律。大水说他将亲自组建一只铁血执行队,每天所有的成年羊都要参加抓阄,抓到的羊不能有异议,由铁血执行队送上山顶去给狼吃。铁血队的羊也不例外,也要参加抓阄,只不过为了不影响任务的执行,每天轮流派铁血队的一只羊参加。    大水说他自已和未成熟的小羊不参加抓阄。这个决定令羊们起了一阵危险的骚动,但终究还是大水在羊们心目中长久以来形成的根深地固的权威站了上风,羊们还是愿意听大水把话说完。 大水拿出了一个小盒子,大水说,他有一个梦想,他的梦想就是终有一天羊们能把狼从山顶赶走,从此山上山下都是属于羊的美丽乐土,他坚信他的方法定将实现这一梦想,只是,这需要几代羊甚至几十代羊的不懈努力,他的方法是不能外泄的,如有半点风声走露给狼知道的话,那么等待全羊类的只能是毁灭的结局。所以大水将这个法子写好装在这个小盒子里,仅传给他以后的羊领袖,只有当最后他的梦想实现的那一天,全体羊类才可以聚在一起打开这个盒子将他的方法公之于众。不过那一天到时,现在在座的诸羊肯定已经都不在了,大水只能要求他们以坚定的信念相信这个方法,为了子孙后代的幸福,为了羊类的繁荣昌盛,按照大水的要求完成这个方法。大水不抓阄并不是因为他怕死,大水说他若死得太早这方法就将无法推行,等到大水选出新的有足够毅力和决心来继续实行其方法的新羊类领袖时,大水将不待抓阄就自行上山去送给狼吃。 讲到这里,大水已是泪流满面,羊们都被震憾了。为了那个崇高而壮丽的梦想,羊们热血沸腾了,终于,羊们全体通过大水的新法律,那就是每天送十只羊去给狼吃,在大水的提议下,考虑要照顾母羊和小羊的合法权益,每天只要求一半的母羊参加抓阄,小羊则除非是狼特别提出要吃羊羔餐,否则不能参与抓阄。    此外,还有一些补充细则也在大水的建议下秘密讨论通过,比如,羊们要致力烹饪事业,尽管羊不吃荤,但手艺不可不练;又比如,羊们要致力于生育事业,鼓励多生,地有多大产,羊有多大胆,只要能生,就要不停地生下去:再比如,羊们要加强外语学习,特别是狼的语言,要作为羊的第二语言普及教育,等等等等。 日子就这样一天天过去了,狼和羊的世界都在悄无声息地发生着变化。首先是羊的数量惊人地增多了,狼们再能吃,每天十只大肥羊也足够了,想想以前穷追猛打下来一天也不见得能扑得到几只羊,狼们现在的日子简直象天堂一样。而羊呢,除了抓阄时凄惨一点外,其余的时候,羊们不再担惊受怕地左躲右闪,一日三餐两觉过得极有规律,身子骨儿都健壮起来,半山坡又不缺水草,羊们吃饱喝足后可以放心大胆的生儿育女,到后来每天出生的羊发展到几十只乃至上百只。
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