周家二宝猪的个人资料

【每日一笑】My Husband Will Be Home Soon My Husband Will Be Home Soon A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard. "Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face." James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!!" "Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a *y little voice... "Oh really, I can't," he replies..."My wife loves this beard!!" The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping. The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!" 我丈夫马上就要回来了一个已婚男人去拜访他的“女朋友”时，女朋友要求他剃去胡须。 “噢，詹姆斯，我喜欢你的胡子，但我更喜欢看到你英俊的面孔。” 詹姆斯回答说，“我的妻子喜欢我的胡子，所以我不可能剃掉它，否则她会杀了我的。” “噢，我求你了，”女朋友用一种低沉的、性感的声音又一次说道。 “可是，我不能，”他回答道，“我的妻子喜欢这胡子。” 在女朋友再三请求下，他终于屈服同意了。夜里，在妻子熟睡时，詹姆斯爬上了床。妻子朦朦胧胧地摸了摸他的脸说道，“噢，迈克尔，你不应该在这里，我的丈夫很快就要回来了。”

【每日一笑】All Right All Right Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school, I made a right turn at a red light when it was prohibited. "Uh-oh," I said, realizing my mistake. "I just make an illegal turn." "I guess it's all right." my daughter replied, "The police car behind us did the same thing." 没关系我赶着开车将11岁的女儿送到学校去，在红灯处右拐了，而那是不允许的(译注:在一些国家如英国,其交通规则是车辆左行的,与我国相反)。“啊噢，”意识到犯了错误，我说。“我刚才拐弯是违章的。” “我想那没关系的，”女儿回答说：“我们后面的警车也同样拐了弯。”

【每日一笑】Real Play Real Play When I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater's current production and write a critique. After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: "The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television." 逼真的戏剧我在北达科他州立大学教戏剧入门课时，要求学生们去看学校剧团当时的演出，并写一篇评论。看了一场极为精彩的演出后，一名学生写道：“这部戏剧是如此逼真，以致于我认为我自己是坐在家里的沙发上，从电视上看到的。”

【每日一笑】the chemical formula for water the chemical formula for water Teacher: What the chemical formula for water is the ? Blonde: "HIJKLMNO"!! Teacher: What are you talking about? Blonde: Yesterday you said its H to O! 水的分子式老师：水的分子式是什么？花瓶：HIJKLMNO！！老师：你在说什么？花瓶：昨天你不是说H to O吗？

【每日一笑】Prepare Yourself Prepare Yourself A story around campus has it taht a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: "Mom - flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop." Two days later he received a response: "Pop prepared. Prepare yourself." 自己做好准备校园里流传着这样的故事：一个学生一次给父母拍了一份电报，上面写着：“妈妈－我所有功课都不及格，被学校开除。让爸爸做好准备。” 两天以后，他收到了回电：“爸爸已准备好。你自己做好准备吧!”

【每日一笑】Plagiarism Plagiarism A friend of mine who teachs European history at Washington University in St. Louis tell about the time he spotted a plagiarized term paper. He summoned the student to his office. "This isn't your work." he said. "Someone typed it for you straight out of the encyclopedia. "You cann't prove that!" the student sputtered. My friend amiled and show him the paper. Circled in red was: "Also see article on communism." 抄袭我有个朋友在圣路易斯的华盛顿大学教欧洲历史，他说有一次他发现了一篇抄袭的学期论文。他把那个学生叫到了办公室。“这不是你写的，”他说，“有人帮你从百科全书上原封不动地打印了下来。” “你没有证据。”那学生气急败坏地说。我朋友笑了，他把论文拿给他看。用红笔圈出来的是：“也可参阅共产主义一文。”

【每日一笑】Difference 已加入的专栏: 每日一笑 Difference "I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles. "When I say, 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond, 'Good afternoon." But the graduate students just write it down." 区别 “研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来，”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说。“我说‘下午好’，本科生们回答说‘下午好’。研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上。”

【每日一笑】 New Year Resolution New Year Resolution Hoping to excite student interest in our reading center, I asked each teacher to write a New Year's resolution on a special form and send it to me. After I posted the resolutions on the bulletin board in the reading center, one young teacher stopped by, looked at them for a few minutes, then left abruptly. Passing two teachers on their way in, she stormed, "My resolution isn't posted - and mine was one of the first ones in!" I couldn't help but overhear, and the tone of her voice sent me flying to my desk in rearch of a misplaced resolution. Looking rapidly through stacks of papers, I uncovered hers. It read, "I resolve not to let little things upset me. " 新年决心书为了激励同学们对我们阅览中心的兴趣，我请每位老师在一张特制的表格上写一篇新年决心书交给我。我将决心书张贴在阅览中心的布告牌上之后，一位年轻老师停下来看了几分钟，便抽身走开了。她越过两位老师闯了进来，大发雷霆道：“我的决心书竟然没有贴出来－而我的是第一批交上来的。”我在旁边听到了，看她气势汹汹的样子，我吓得赶紧跑回办公室去找那份放错了地方的决心书，飞快浏览了几叠纸之后，我打开了她的那一份，上面写着：我决心不再为一些小事而烦恼。

【每日一笑】 Napoleon Was Ill Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year. "He's a good boy," said Jack's father, "and if you let him pass this time, I'm sure he'll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well." "No, no, that's quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn't know!" "Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack's father. "You see, I'm afraid we don't take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill." 拿破仑病了杰克到一所大学去学历史。第一学期结束时，历史课教授没让他及格。学校让他退学。然而，杰克的父亲决定去见教授，强烈要求让杰克继续来年的学业。 “他是个好孩子，”杰克的父亲说：“您要是让他这次及格，我相信他明年会有很大进步，学期结束时，他一定会考好的。” “不，不，那不可能，”教授马上回答。“你知道吗？上个月我问他拿破仑什么时候死的，他都不知道。” “先生，请再给他一次机会吧。”杰克的父亲说：“你不知道，恐怕是因为我们家没有订报纸。我们家的人连拿破仑病了都不知道。”

【每日一笑】 Ground Rules Ground Rules One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don't mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they're still running." 基本原则位于吉拉多海角的密苏里东南州立大学有一位我非常喜欢的老师，他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在对一个新生班级讲解他的基本原则时，他说：“我知道我的讲课可能经常会枯燥乏味，了无生趣，所以如果你们在上课时看表我并不介意。不过我坚决反对你们将表在课桌上猛敲看它们是不是还在走。”

【每日一笑】Wood Fire Wood Fire One woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal. "Husbands are like wood fires; they go out if left unattened." "Does that mean," asked the other, "that they make ashes of themselves?" 森林之火一名妇女向她最好的朋友大谈雄性动物的特性：“丈夫们就像是森林里的火，一不注意，他们就会燃烧起来。” “那是不是意味着，”另一个问道，“他们将自己烧成灰烬？”

【每日一笑】Two Skulls Two Skulls Tourist: Whose skull is it? Guide: That is the skull of Julius Caesar. Tourist: Then whose is that small one beside it? Guide: That, sir, is the skull of Julius Caesar when he was a small boy. 两颗头盖骨游览者：那是谁的头盖骨？导游：那是朱利叶斯•凯撒的头盖骨。游览者：那么旁边的小头盖骨是谁的呢？导游：那个么，先生，是凯撒大帝小时候的头盖骨。

【每日一笑】Stockbroker Stockbroker An 84-year-old retired stockbroker was admitted to our hospital's intensive-care unit,suffering from a peptic ulcer and shock from internal hemorrhage. As intravenous lines were started and fluid infused, his vital signs improved rapidly. The nurses dramatically announced the blood-pressure readings, starting at the shock level of 60 and increasing to '70...80...90' There was no doubt about the patient's successful recovery when in the midst of their intonations, he suddenly yelled, When it gets to 110---SELL.' 证券经济人我们医院的特护部收治了一位84岁的退休证券经纪人，他患有消化系统溃疡，引发内出血而休克。随着静脉注射管的架起，药液的注入，它很快现实复苏的迹象。护士们戏剧性的宣读他的血压读数。从休可时的60，增加到“70...80...90...。” 毫无疑问，病人已成功的抢救过来了，就在这时，在护士们的吟诵中，他突然叫道，“等到110时，抛出。”

【每日一笑】Father’s Things Father’s Things When Tom Howard was seventeen years old he was as tall as his father, so he began to borrow Mr. Howard's clothes when he wanted to go out with his friends in the evening. Mr. Howard did not like this, and he always got very angry when he found his son wearing any of his things. One evening when Tom came downstairs to go out, his father stopped him in the hall. He looked at Tom's clothes very carefully. Then he said angrily, "Isn't that one of my ties, Tom?" "Yes, Father, it is," answered Tom. "And that shirt's mine too." "Yes, that's yours too," answered Tom. "And you're wearing my belt!" said Mr. Howard. "Yes, I am, Father," answered Tom. "You don't want your trousers to fall down, do you?"父亲的东西汤姆.霍德华十七岁的时候，长得和父亲一样高了，于是当他晚上和朋友一起出去时，就开始借父亲的衣服穿。霍德华先生可不喜欢这样，当他发现他的儿子穿他的衣服时，总是非常生气。一天晚上，汤姆下楼准备出去，父亲在门厅里拦住了他。他细细打量着汤姆的穿着。然后他气呼呼地说：“汤姆，那不是我的一条领带吗？” 汤姆回答说：“是的，父亲，是你的领带。” “还有那衬衫也是我的。” “是的，衬衫也是你的。”汤姆回答说。 “还有呢，你连皮带也用我的。”霍德华先生说。 “是的，父亲，”汤姆回答说，“你不愿意让你的裤子掉下来吧？”

【每日一笑】I Didn't Notice It I Didn't Notice It Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning, Johnny, and now there is only one piece left. Can you explain that? Johnny: Well, I suppose it was so dark that I didn't notice the other. 我没有看到它母亲：约翰尼，今天早上我在食品橱里放了两块蛋糕，现在只剩下一块了，你说是怎么回事？　约翰尼：哦，我想是因为里面太黑，我没有看见另一块。

【每日一笑】Two Pounds of Plums Two Pounds of Plums Mother: I sent my little boy for two pounds of plums and you gave him a pound and a half. Shopkeeper: My scales are all right, madam. Have you weighted your little boy? 两磅李子母亲：我让我的小儿子来买二磅李子，可你只给了他一磅半。店主：我的秤准确无误，太太。可是你称过你的小儿子了吗？

【每日一笑】Ah, Kids Ah, Kids Like a good father, I took my 4-year old daughter to a so-called "rug concert" at her music school one Saturday morning, called that because you sit on the rug in a group and sing songs. We sat beside a young, attractive mother and her son, and I struck up a friendly conversation with the mother during the concert. I thought I was in trouble when, as soon as we got home, my daughter burst through the front door and announced to my wife that "Daddy met a Mommy." 哎，孩子作为一个好父亲，我在星期六的早晨带四岁的女儿到她的学校参加一个所谓的“地毯音乐会”。叫这么个名字是因为我们分成小组坐在地毯上然后唱歌。我坐在一个年轻、有魅力的母亲和她儿子身边。在音乐会中我和这个母亲开始了友好的谈话。当我们回家后，我认为我有麻烦了。女儿推开前门，对我妻子宣布：“爸爸遇到了一个妈妈。”

【每日一笑】Three Reasons Three Reasons Teacher: Stone, give me three reasons why you know the Earth to be round. Stone: Ma says so, Pa says so, and you say so! 三条理由老师：斯通，说出三条理由来证明地球是圆的。斯通：妈妈是这么说的，爸爸是这么说的，你也是这么说的。

【每日一笑】Synonym=Bad Language Synonym=Bad Language One day a ten-year-old child asked his mother, "Mom, what is a synonym?" "What? You even don't know what a synonym is? How foolish you are. When I describe you as foolish, I mean you're silly, stupid. Now you know what a synonym is ?" "Yes, a synonym is using bad language." The child concluded. 同义词=骂人一天，一个10岁的孩子问母亲："妈，什么是同义词？" "你说什么？竟然连同义词都不懂！真是个笨蛋。我说你是个笨蛋，就是说你是个傻瓜，是个蠢货。你现在明白同义词的意思了吗？" "明白了。同义词就是骂人。"

【每日一笑】 Imitation Imitation A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. "Well, sit down and eat your tea," said his mother. "Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it." Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache. "That's because it's empty," said his bright son. "You'd be all right if you had something in it." 模仿一个男孩放学回家时，觉得肚子痛。“来，坐下，吃点点心，”妈妈说，“你肚子痛是因为肚子是空的。吃点东西就会好的。” 一会儿，男孩的爸爸下班回家了，说是头痛。 “你头痛是因为你的脑袋是空的，”他那聪明的儿子说，“里面装点东西，就会好的。”

【每日一笑】A Small Boy and a Donkey A Small Boy and a Donkey A small boy leading a donkey passed by an Army camp. A couple of soldiers wanted to have some fun with the lad. "What are you holding onto your brother so tight for, sonny?" asked one of them. "So he won't join the army," the youngster replied without blinking an eye. 小男孩与驴子一个小男孩牵着头驴子穿过部队营房。两名士兵想跟小家伙开个玩笑：“小孩，你把你哥哥牵得这么紧干什么？” “这样，他就不会去参军了。”小家伙眼都不眨地回答道。

【每日一笑】I Don't Feel Like Getting into an Argument I Don't Feel Like Getting into an Argument "Gerald," asked the teacher, "what is the shape of the earth?" "It's round," answered Gerald. "How do you know it's round?" continued the teacher. "All right, it's square then," he replied, "I really don't feel like getting into an argument about it!" 我不想争论 “杰拉尔德，”老师问：“地球是什么形状？” “是圆形的，”杰拉尔德回答道。 “你怎么知道是圆的？”老师又问。 “好吧，那它是方的，”学生回答说：“我可不想与你争论这件事情。”

【每日一笑】心目中的英雄 Personal Hero Our granddaughter's second-grade class was asked to write about their personal heroes. Her father was flattered to find out that she had chosen him. "Why did you pick me?" he asked. "Because I couldn't spell Arnold Schwarzenegger," she said. 我们的孙女儿读二年级，老师要求班上的同学写他们心目中的英雄。她的爸爸发现她选择了他，真是受宠若惊。“你为什么选我呢？”他问。　 “因为我不会拼阿诺得.施瓦辛格(Arnold Schwarzenegger)，“她说。

【每日一笑】 Taught the Teacher I Taught the Teacher Mother asked her little boy, "Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?" "Nothing, Mum," answered the son proundly, "instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three." 母亲问她年幼的儿子：“宝贝，今天老师教了你些什么？” 　儿子骄傲地说：“什么都没教，妈妈。她反倒问我一加二等于几，我告诉她等于三。”

【每日一笑】I Can’t I Can’t Mr. And mrs . Shaw were on safari in Africa. Walking through the jusgle. Suddenly a huge lion sprang out of the bushes and seized Mrs. Shaw , dragging her off. “Shoot!” she screamed to her husband,” Shoot!” “ I can’t !” he shouted back, “ I’ve run out of film!” 我不能肖先生和肖太太在非洲旅行。当他俩走过丛林时，突然一头猛狮跳出草丛，攫住肖太太走。“开枪”她对丈夫大喊道。“开枪！(拍照)”“我不能！”丈夫回答说：“我胶卷用完了！”

【每日一笑】A Dialogue A Dialogue Here is a dialogue between Robert and his mistress. Mistress: “In your case, I think, you could have married a much better wife both in appearance and in intelligence.” Robert: “That being the case, I wouldn’t have come here to meet you.” 对话这是罗伯特与他的情妇之间的对话。情人：“按你的条件，你完全可以有一位才貌双全的妻子” 罗伯特：“如果是这样的话，我就不来这与你幽会了。

【每日一笑】The Same Language The Same Language A girl who wanted to terminate her friendship with her boy firend said to him: “Sorry, we don’t seem to have anything in common to continue our friendship.” “But we do have one thing in common. We speak the same language, don’t we?” the boy replied in a puzzle. 共同语言一位姑娘想中断同男朋友的关系，对他说：“对不起，我们之间似乎没有任何共同点，无法继续维持我们之间的关系。” “但有一点是共同的，我们讲同一种语言，不是吗？”男的不解地回答道。

【每日一笑】Misunderstanding Misunderstanding A new student who was absent from class because of a long illness met his teacher in the street and went to greet him: “I’m so glad to see you here, I have missed your classes for so long.” “That’s exactly what all the graduates say to me.” The teacher said with pride. 误解一位因病而长时间缺课的学生在街上见到了老师，向他打招呼说：“在这儿见到您真高兴，我有很长时间没上您的课了。” “所有的毕业生都这么说。”教师自豪地说。

【每日一笑】It Doesn’t Smell like a Toilet It Doesn’t Smell like a Toilet When a famous cross-talk actor was asked about his impression of his visit to the United States, he replied. “What impressed me most is the American toilet. It doesn’t smell like the toilet we have in China.” 闻起来不像厕所有人问一位著名的相声演员对美国访问的印象，他回答说： “给我印象最深的是美国的厕所，闻起来味儿和中国的不一样。”

【每日一笑】It’s a Great Pity It’s a Great Pity Before singing, a famous actor was asking the audience in his hometown. “Have you heard my singing before?” When he received a mixture of responses, he remarked. “It’s a great pity that you haven’t heard my singing,but it’s an even greater pity once you have heard my singing. 莫大的遗憾一位著名的演员在唱歌前向家乡的听众： “你们以前听过我唱歌吗？” 他听不同的回答后接着说：“你们没听过我唱歌，这是个莫大的遗憾；但是你们听我唱歌以后会更加遗憾的。”

【每日一笑】Death Unavoidable Death Unavoidable A sailor who was going to set out for India was asked by a landsman, where his father died. "He was shipwrecked."answered the sailor. "And where did your grandfather die?" "When he was fishing, a storm arose and he and all on board were drowned." "And your great-grandfather?" "He also lost his life at sea." "Then,"said the landsman, "If I were you, I should never go to sea." "And pray, "asked the seaman, "Where did your father die?" "In his bed." "And your grandfather?" "He as well as my great-grandfather died in their beds." "Then, if I were you,"said the sailor, "I should never go to bed." 难免一死一个从未出过海的人问一个即将出发去印度的水手:他的父亲是在哪里去世的. "他死于船只失事."水手答道 "那么,你的祖父又在哪儿过世的?" "当他在捕鱼的时候遇上风暴,他同船上所有的人都给淹死了." "那么你的曾祖父呢?" "他也是死在海里的." 没出过海的人说:"那么,假如我是你的话,我就永远不会去航海." 水手问道:"那么请问,您的父亲在哪里去世的?" 那人回答说:"死在床上." "那么您的祖父呢?" "他和我的曾祖父一样死在床上." "那么,我是你的话,我将永远不上床."水手说。

【每日一笑】Two birls Two birls Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟老师：这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。老师：请说说看。学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

【每日一笑】A Good Guide A Good Guide On a family vacation to San Francisco, we were charmed by the many attractions of the city. Not wanting to miss China town, we asked a young man how to get there. “First you go left at the next light,” he said. “Then you keep walking until you can’t read the signs.” 好导游我家在旧金山度假时，我被该城的美景迷住了。我们不想错过中国城，于是去问一位青年如何走到唐人街。 “先到下一个路灯往左拐，”他说，“然后就一直走到你们看不懂路牌就到了。”

自从开了这个吧我...

【每日一笑】the bear and the rabbit There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day, they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each three wishes. The bear went first and he said,” I wish to be the only male bear in this forest." And he got his wish. The rabbit said, "I want a motorcycle helmet." And he got his wish. The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female." And he got his wish. The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet." And he got his wish. The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish. It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay."

【每日一笑】The Picture is Half Good and Half Bad 毁誉掺半的画 The Picture is Half Good and Half Bad An artist had painted a child holding a basket of fruit. A friend of his, who admired this picture, wishing to show its perfection, said to some persons who were examining it that the fruit appeared so natural that the birds came to peck at it. A countryman, who heard these praises, said: "If this fruit is as well represented as you say, it is not so with the child, since he does not frighten the birds." 毁誉掺半的画一位艺术家画了张画:一个孩子提着一篮水果.他的朋友很欣赏这幅画,他很想告诉别人这画的美妙之处,就对几个正在细看画的人说,画中的水果画得多么逼真,连鸟都会来啄的. 一个村夫听了这些赞美的话就说:"如果水果画得真像你说的那样好,那么小孩就画得不怎么样了,因为他没有吓住那些鸟."

【每日一笑】 How to Get a Seat by the Fire A gentleman came to an inn on a very cold day, and could get no room near the fire. He called to the hostler to fetch a peck of oysters, and give them to his horse. "Will your horse eat oysters?"said the hostler. "Try him,"said the gentleman. Immediately the people ran to see this wonder, and the gentleman who alone remained in the room, chose the best seat by the fire and made himself comfortable. 怎样在火炉旁找个座位在一个严寒的冬日,一位绅士来到了一家小客栈,发现火炉旁没有空位了.于是,他让旅店里的马倌去取些牡蛎来喂他的马。马倌说:"您的马吃牡蛎吗?" "你试着喂吧."绅士答道。

【每日一笑】辩护辩护 “Your Honor,” the accused hit-and –run driver’s lawyer pleaded, “that man who was injured must have been careless. My client is an experienced driver of more than 20 years.” “If experience is the issue here,” the other attorney countered, “my client has been walking for over fifty years.” “大人，”被告逃逸司机的律师辩护说，“那个受伤的人一定是自己粗心。我的当事人是一个有20多年驾龄的老手。” “如果这里的问题在于经验的话，”另一位律师说，“我的当事人已有了50多年的走龄了。”

【每日一笑】talk with god A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

【每日一笑】I don't want Him to know I'm here I don't want Him to know I'm here A distinguished clergyman and the elders from his congregation attended an out-of-town meeting that did not finish until rather late. They decided to have something to eat before going to home, but unfortunately the only spot open was a seedy bar-and-grill with a questionable reputation. After being served, one of the elders asked the clergyman to say grace. 'I'd rather not,', the clergyman said, ' I don't want Him to know I'm here.' 　　一位著名牧师和他教区的几位老人出席城外会议直到天黑才开完会，他们打算在回家前吃点东西。但很不巧只有一家名声不好的下等酒吧烤菜馆开着门。饭后，一位老人要牧师祈祷。“我想我是免了，”牧师说。“我不想让主知道我在这里。”

今日一笑 Does Your Dog Know the Proverb? Lady: Don't be afraid of the dog. You know the old proverb, "A barking dog never bites." Sam: You know the proverb. I know the proverb. But does 　 your dog know the proverb? 你的狗知道吗? 女士：别怕那只狗，你知道那句老谚语吧，“会叫的狗不咬人。” 萨姆：你知道这个谚语，我也知道，但是你的狗知道吗？

12.30的一笑!~ Jim’s History Examination Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination? Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him things that happened before the poor boy was born. 吉姆的历史考试舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。

恭喜周家大宝猪成为吧主 !~ 撒花!~

每日一笑 It's always me A father said to his sons: "Tomorrow your mother is going to bake a pie. Who is going to eat it?" The oldest son replied: "Father, I'll eat it all!" The father then said: "Tomorrow I'm going to butcher a pig. Who is going to eat it?" The same son answered: "Father,I'll eat it all!" The father added: "Tomorrow, we are going to plough the field. Who is going to plough?" 　　The oldest son answered again: "It's always me, always me. Now it's someone else's turn to volunteer!" 　　总是我　　一位父亲对他的儿子们说：“你们的妈妈明天要烙一张馅饼，谁要吃呢？” 　　大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。” 　　父亲接着说：“明天我要杀一口猪，谁要吃呢？” 　　又是大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。” 　　父亲又说：“明天我们要耕地，谁想耕地呢？” 　　大儿子再次回答道：“总是我，总是我，这次还是让其他人来做吧。”

2006.12.28 今日一笑 The poor husband"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong. 可怜的丈夫“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”

每日一笑 I'm a Letter-carrier A doctor told his patient there was nothing really the matter 　 with him. " All you requir is more outdoor life; walk two or three miles regularly everyday; by the way, what's your business? " 　　　" I'm a letter-carrier." the patient answered. 　　　　　　　　　　　　我是邮递员　　医生告诉他的病人说他没有什么毛病。“你现在需要的就是更多的　户外生活；天天坚持走二三里路；顺便问一下，你是干什么工作的？” 　　“我是邮递员。”病人回答。