level 6
When the feather of a moon floats across the sky, the soft light becomes once more refreshment to me,utterly close. A period called “waiting” begins again. Wait for the sun to warm my cheeks, wait for the wandering momery back to my heart, and what’s more, waiting for the lost energy to gather together again so that I can be strong enough to stand up and speed forward.
I am but a girl that is always waking to the old dull misery.
How I wish that my fair dreams will not be spoiled by waking,and those bad ones will be cured the moment I open my eyes. But a dogging melancholy makes my life boring,tiring and seems endless.
I mock myself when I see this situation which I think it “gradual dying and gradual recovery” from the past.
I begin questioning myself further each time I dwell on the past,for the world at present seems so peaceful and beautiful for me. I know the excuse is in myself. I have done rather badly since I left the familiar environment. What was worse,I even cannot find a reason to encourage myself. I feel warm ,comfortable and safe when I lose myself in the momery. In that time there’re people who believe me ,and what’s more important, I believe myself. I’m able to love me when I’m with those people.There’re help,careness,courage ,happiness around me whenever I need. I’m confident strong positive and lively because of you all.(and thank godness) .See what I have done since I entre the new world. So bad. Maybe I require myself too much which makes me fail to bear. I even don’t have the energy and courage to compose a new melody.
It is said “let bygones be bygones “. I try to live as it says. But then a greater fear attacks me . it makes me lose control when I find I can believe anything no more. What I saw or heard may just be a mask of the world , what belongs to me once may leave at the following second ,I may not be myself,even absolutely opposite. What I can believe is only my sense , time and fate. Even my once “permanent” mind has changed. How can I believe in “forever” any more?
If it will be out of date,do I have to choose to give up?
As you see, I’m not what I used to be. Just like a huge and horror swirl. I don't know whether there is a person who can save me. The only thing I’m worried about and try to avoid is that you’ll be swallowed up if you’re near me.
2009年02月08日 11点02分
