level 10
去年英语节,本来打算演孔雀东南飞,结果老师说很多人都不知道这个故事,不让演,于是我果断吐槽:要演大家都知道的,难不成是爱情公寓?老师居然同意了……
于是,就有了下面的神级剧本——
2013年02月07日 13点02分
1
level 10
Ipartment
人物
胡一菲(Laura.L)
曾小贤(Michael.C)
张伟(Jean.L)
关谷神奇(Eric.W)
唐悠悠(Y)
吕子乔(Sean.S)
道具:沙发(长凳)2张,记分牌1个,桌子1张,矿泉水1瓶,计算器1个
Scene 1
(Y,L上)
Y: Hey, Laura, what’s wrong?
L:I bought a new detective novel, but when I turned to the second page, I saw a circle on a person’s head, and it says,” This, is the murderer!”
(J上)
J: Laura, you should admit that men are smarter than women.
Y: Why do you say this?
J: (得意地)I can guess how many dresses Laura washed in three days, but she can’t guess what I washed.
L: how can I know you only washed seven socks in three days?
J: Because I only have seven socks!
L: So you think you’re a genius?
J: (自恋地)I think all of us knew this! If I’m not a genius, how can I know who the murderer is in your book?
L: It’s you! You drew the circle on my book! OK, Jean. Let's make a bet. If you can answer the following questions, then I will admit you’re a genius and I will give you 50 dollars. If your answer is wrong, you must buy me a new detective novel!
Y: Laura, though you get a new book, the murderer is still that person.
L: Oh, you’re right. Then you can give me money. Let’s start.
J: OK.
L: The first question: Why don’t the polar bears eat the penguins?
J: Because the polar bears lives in the Arctic, but the penguins lives in Antarctica!
Y: Congratulations, you’re right!
L: the second question: if Michael climbs a tree to pick watermelons, and he can pick one watermelon each minute. But he will lose two watermelons in each ten. So how many watermelons can he pick one day?
J: that’s easy. Do we have a calculator?
(A few seconds later)
J: 1152!
L: sorry,you’re wrong.
J: why?
L: because watermelons don’t grow in the trees, and, Michael can’t climb the tree at all!
J: what?
2013年02月07日 13点02分
2
level 10
Y: the last question: Michael has one thing. It is longer than every boy’s in this room. What is it?
L: let me think… what things does he have?
Y: you know it! You’ve seen it before!
L: Michael…Michael…
Y:(急切地)just say it out!
L: I don’t know. I give up.
Y: it’s name, Laura, name!
E,M,S: Yeah! Michael, Michael, Michael…
L: ok, take Jean’s room back, please.
E,M,S: Jean! We beat Laura! It’s the boy’s victory!
(J上,全体谢幕)
2013年02月07日 13点02分
5
level 10
当时不知道吃错了什么药,一回家就开始自己写剧本,从七点半一直奋斗到十一点半,多次对照原著(即爱情公寓2第4集),借助度娘翻译,终于完成了这部逆天神**情公寓的编剧们手下留情)
2013年02月07日 14点02分
6
level 10
我去,看来以后ZUO和AI字不能连着打……邪恶的度娘……
2013年02月07日 14点02分
7
level 10
第二天拿给老师看,老师大惊,曰:“汝真乃奇才也!”随即在她带的另一个班大肆传播,说我半个小时就写好了这个剧本,还勒令那个班的班长一天之内拿出一个同等质量的剧本……
2013年02月07日 14点02分
8
那班班长疯了
2013年02月08日 03点02分
回复 哥特式浓妆 :差不多……他后来花一个礼拜编了个罗密欧与朱丽叶
2013年02月08日 12点02分
level 10
之后的道路一马平川,除了演曾小贤(就是Michael)的那个人被矿泉水浇了无数次之外都很和谐……不过实际演出的效果并不好,因为度娘的翻译没人能听懂……总之,这部坑爹剧本,也随着那个“最佳创意奖”被埋入了历史的滚滚洪流之中……
2013年02月07日 14点02分
9
level 10
泼水的时候全场笑翻了……后来他们控诉水没擦干净,导致后面的班险些滑倒……
2013年02月08日 12点02分
14