I rarely be so sentimental, cause I find thats so fake, especially when you are a man, just cant put down your damn stupid dignity to admit your own vulnerability.
Recently I've been touched by some movies, some novels, touched by the sincerity of love. I screamed inside, screamed for the thing I'm pursuing, screamed for the thing I'm touched by. But after 20 years of my life covering my feelings, it is hard for me to show them now.
I've never cried over a movie, or screamed for rollercoasters. I used to be proud of that, but now all I can think of is sad. How can you wish any return if you cannot show any true emotion?
I wanna cry out loud, or scream like a maniac, to set my depression away. I once said to myself, it's not a big deal to live your life alone. But any reasonable person will see thats a lie.
Can I even change?

Well,i'm not good at consoling someone, but your words just makes me too upset to stand aside. i know the feeling of being alone.i've been too long on my own and i'veget accustomed to smother my inner feelings too. i know it's hard to break the mask for people like us, but i believe someday or somehow we can change this melancholy situation. maybe by someone you love, or someone loves you. i want to see you live in happiness,and remember friends are always here to be your backup. love you, hugs