老师让我们写一首英语的诗歌，我把一位亲的文翻译了一下……God gives me a pair of clear eyes,it is for me to watch your eyes.The road wich go to the swan lake,contains my unremitting footsteps.Love freezed when I met you,my heart finally landed on.The heavy on that day,disturbed our footstep extremely.Thought of the helplessness of my swan,our world just left tears.However, we have your favor,we have your wishes.I believe our road tothe swan lake will be forever!帮我看一下有没有语法错误把，最好修改一下，自己觉得不怎么押韵……

顶顶顶

亲们帮着看一下吧

上联　“笔”出五环精神, 梦想在望 下联　“畅”出奥运风采，生命之光 横批　　未来就是现在

God gives me the purity of eyes,it is for me to look into your sight.The road to the swan lake,where my remetting footsteps lay.Love froze when i met you,my heart finally landed low. The heaviness of that day,disturbed our footsteps on the way.Seeing the helplessness of my swan,the tears of the world sank. We have your favor, however;we have your wishes. I believe our road to the swan lake will be there forever!

宝贝加油，亲们加油！

God gives me a pair of clear eyes, --》用give就好啦！God比较有特权，呵呵it is for me to watch your eyes. --》前面是eyes，后面是不是应该用复数呀？The road wich go to the swan lake, --》which拼错了哦，而且go忘记第三人称单数哦，再而且其实用leads比用goes好哦！contains my unremitting footsteps. --》contain用的怪怪哦Love freezed when I met you, --》froze哦my heart finally landed on. --》on后面咋米有宾语类？要么就去掉on吧~~The heavy on that day, --》the heavy是形容虾米的？disturbed our footstep extremely. --》名词复数忘记啦！并且副词也和动词不太搭哦，去掉比较好，或者换一个啦！Thought of the helplessness of my swan, --》为虾米要用thought啊？米有主语的说。改成Thinking就比较对头了our world just left tears. --》习惯用shed而不是left哦However, we have your favor, --》favor是要指虾米的？意义不恰当呃we have your wishes. I believe our road tothe swan lake will be forever!--》road will be forever的说法好像也比较怪怪，而且要表达的意义也不大清除哦，建议想想后换个表达吧！^_^

谢谢亲们拉……