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101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The Pilot-The Uncut Version)[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.]Monica: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with!Joey: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him!Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk?(They all stare, bemused.)Phoebe: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.[Time Lapse]Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there.Joey: Instead of...?Chandler: That's right.Joey: Never had that dream.Phoebe: No.Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me. Monica: And they weren't looking at you before?!Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me![Time Lapse, Ross has entered.]Ross: (mortified) Hi.Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.Monica: Are you okay, sweetie?Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...Chandler: Cookie?Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today. Joey: Ohh.Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee.Ross: Thanks.Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.)Ross: No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay?Phoebe: Fine! Be murky!Ross: I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy.Monica: No you don't.Ross: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me!Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know?Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., "I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren." was what? A wrong number?Ross: Sorry.Joey: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?(Ross gestures his consent.)

Joey: Morning, Paul.Rachel: Hello, Paul.Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it?(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear. The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.)Paul: Thank you! Thank you so much!Monica: Stop!Paul: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all my birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene in Witness.Monica: We'll talk later.Paul: Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits)Joey: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date?Monica: Shut up, and put my table back.All: Okayyy! (They do so.)Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference... Rachel: So, like, you guys all have jobs?Monica: Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that's how we buy stuff.Joey: Yeah, I'm an actor.Rachel: Wow! Would I have seen you in anything?Joey: I doubt it. Mostly regional work.Monica: Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the Reruns' production of Pinocchio, at the little theater in the park.Joey: Look, it was a job all right?Chandler: 'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'Joey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door and opens it to leave.)Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song and dances out of the door.) "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."Joey: You should both know, that he's a dead man. Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.) Monica: So how you doing today? Did you sleep okay? Talk to Barry? I can't stop smiling.Rachel: I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.Monica: I know, he's just so, so... Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco?Rachel: Oh, yeah.Monica: Well, it's like that. With feelings.Rachel: Oh wow. Are you in trouble.Monica: Big time!Rachel: Want a wedding dress? Hardly used.Monica: I think we are getting a little ahead of selves here. Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work and not think about him all day. Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work.Rachel: Oh, look, wish me luck!Monica: What for?Rachel: I'm gonna go get one of those (Thinks) job things.(Monica exits.)[Scene: Iridium, Monica is working as Frannie enters.] Frannie: Hey, Monica! Monica: Hey Frannie, welcome back! How was Florida? Frannie: You had sex, didn't you? Monica: How do you do that?Frannie: Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle and you're having sex! So? Who? Monica: You know Paul? Frannie: Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul. Monica: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?

(She finishes cutting them up and they all cheer.)Monica: Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonna love it! [Time Lapse, Rachel and Ross are watching a TV channel finishes it's broadcast day by playing the national anthem.] Monica: Well, that's it (To Ross) You gonna crash on the couch? Ross: No. No, I gotta go home sometime. Monica: You be okay? Ross: Yeah. Rachel: Hey Mon, look what I just found on the floor. (Monica smiles.) What? Monica: That's Paul's watch. You just put it back where you found it. Oh boy. Alright. Goodnight, everybody. Ross and Rachel: Goodnight.(Monica stomps on Paul's watch and goes into her room.)Ross: Mmm. (They both reach for the last cookie) Oh, no- Rachel: Sorry- Ross: No no no, go- Rachel: No, you have it, really, I don't want it- Ross: Split it? Rachel: Okay. Ross: Okay. (They split it.) You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you. Rachel: I knew. Ross: You did! Oh.... I always figured you just thought I was Monica's geeky older brother. Rachel: I did. Ross: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here- but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe? Rachel: Yeah, maybe... Ross: Okay... okay, maybe I will... Rachel: Goodnight. Ross: Goodnight. (Rachel goes into her room and Monica enters the living room as Ross is leaving.) Monica: See ya.... Waitwait, what's with you? Ross: I just grabbed a spoon. (Ross exits and Monica has no idea what that means.) Closing Credits[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.] Joey: I can't believe what I'm hearing here. Phoebe: (sings) I can't believe what I'm hearing here... Monica: What? I-I said you had a- Phoebe: (sings) What I said you had... Monica: (to Phoebe) Would you stop? Phoebe: Oh, was I doing it again?All: Yes!Monica: I said that you had a nice butt, it's just not a great butt.Joey: Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit ya.Ross: There's an image. Rachel: (walks up with a pot of coffee) Would anybody like more coffee? Chandler: Did you make it, or are you just serving it? Rachel: I'm just serving it. All: Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee. Chandler: Kids, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas. (Rachel sits down to hear Chandler's dream.)Customer: (To Rachel) Ahh, miss? More coffee? Rachel: Ugh. (To another customer that's leaving.) Excuse me, could you give this to that guy over there? (Hands him the coffee pot.) Go ahead. (He does so.) Thank you. (To the gang.) Sorry. Okay, Las Vegas.Chandler: Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza Minelli- End

102 The One With the Sonogram at the End[Scene Central Perk, everyone's there.]Monica: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it. Joey: Yeah, right!.......Y'serious? Phoebe: Oh, yeah! Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss. Monica: Absolutely. Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out. Ross: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket. Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake. Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone. Joey: (pause)....Are we still talking about sex?Opening Credits[Scene: Museum of Prehistoric History, Ross and a co-worker (Marsha) are setting up an exhibit which includes some mannequins of cave people.] Ross: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry? Marsha: Well, she has issues. Ross: Does she. Marsha: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet! Ross: Marsha, these are cave people. Okay? They have issues like 'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda close.' See? Marsha: Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife? (Carol, Ross's ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing outstide the exhibit.) Ross: (trying to ignore her) No. No. Marsha: Yes, it is. Carol! Hi! Ross: Okay, okay, yes, it is. (waves) How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age. (Marsha extis and Ross waves Carol into the exhibit.) Ross:Hi. Carol: So. Ross: You look great. I, uh... I hate that. Carol: Sorry. You look good too. Ross: Ah, well, in here, anyone who... stands erect... So what's new? Still, uh... Carol: A lesbian? Ross: Well... you never know. How's, um.. how's the family? Carol: Marty's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh- Ross: Why- why are you here, Carol? Carol: I'm pregnant. Ross: Pregnant?! [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are watching Three's Company.]Chandler: Oh, I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding. Phoebe:...Then I've already seen this one! (Turns off the TV.) Monica: (taking a drink from Joey) Are you through with that? Joey: Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down. Monica: Whose little ball of paper is this?! Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (sees that Monica is glaring at him) ...now I wish I was dead. (Monica starts to fluff a pillow.) Phoebe: She's already fluffed that pillow... Monica, you know, you've already fluffed that- (Monica glares at her.) -but, it's fine! 

Monica: Look , I'm sorry, guys, I just don't wanna give them any more ammunition than they already have. Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow. Phoebe: Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way. Joey: Yeah, calm down. You don't see Ross getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come. Monica: That's because as far as my parents are concerned, Ross can do no wrong. Y'see, he's the Prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born. Chandler: (looking out the window) Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew! Monica: What? Chandler: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster! All: Eeaagh! (Rachel enters from her room.) Rachel: Has anybody seen my engagement ring? Phoebe: Yeah, it's beautiful. Rachel: Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God oh God.... (Starts to look under the couch cushions.) Phoebe: No, look, don't touch that! Rachel: Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him... 'Hi Barry! Remember me? I'm the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family!' Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much harder... Monica: Easy Rach, we'll find it. (To all) Won't we! Chandler and Joey: Oh! Yeah!Joey: Alright, when'd'ya have it on last?Phoebe: Doy! Probably right before she lost it! Chandler: You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days... Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with... Chandler: ...Dinah? Rachel: (looks at the lasagne and realizes something) Ohhhhh, don't be mad... Monica: You didn't. Rachel: Oh, I am sorry... Monica: I gave you one job! (Starts to examin the lasagne through the bottom of the glass pan.) Rachel: Oh, but look how straight those noodles are! Chandler: Now, Monica, you know that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne... Monica: (puts down the lasagne) I just... can't do it. Chandler: Boys? We're going in. (Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe start to pick through the lasagne as there's a knock on the door which Monica answers.) Ross: (standing outside the door).....Hi. Monica: Wow. That is not a happy hi. Ross: Carol's pregnant. Phoebe: (while everyone else is stunned) Ooh! I found it! Monica: W-w-wh-... wha-... w-w-w-... Ross: Yeah. Do that for another two hours, you might be where I am right about now. (He enters.) Chandler: Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in perspective, huh, Mon? Rachel: Well now, how-how do you fit into this whole thing? Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me. Phoebe: She is so great! I miss her. Monica: What does she mean by 'involved'? Chandler: I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done. Ross: Anyway, they want me to go down to this- sonogram thing with them tomorrow.

Rachel: So what are you gonna do? Ross: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father. (Joey starts to eat the rest of the lasagne and everyone turns and stares at him.) Joey: .....Well, this is still ruined, right?[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are pouring wine for their parents.] Mrs. Geller: Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you. (Tastes a snack) Mmm! What's that curry taste? Monica: Curry. Mrs. Geller: Mmmm! Ross: I- I think they're great! I, I really do. Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Do you remember the Ludwins? The big one had a thing for you, didn't she? Mrs. Geller: They all had a thing for him. Ross: Aw, Mom... Monica: I'm sorry, why is this girl going to call me? Mrs. Geller: Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or.... I don't know. Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant- Monica: No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant. Mrs. Geller: Well, they don't have to know that... (She starts to fluff the same pillow Monica fluffed multiple times earlier.) Monica: Ross, could you come and help me with the spaghetti, please? Ross: Yeah. (They go to the kitchen.) Mrs. Geller: Oh, we're having spaghetti! That's.... easy. Monica: I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish, but, were you planning on bringing up the whole baby/lesbian thing? Because I think it might take some of the heat off me. [Time Lapse, everyone is now eating.] Mrs. Geller: What that Rachel did to her life.... We ran into her parents at the club, they were not playing very well. Mr. Geller: I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money! Mrs. Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar... Monica: What's that supposed to mean? Mrs. Geller: Nothing! It's an expression. Monica: No it's not. Mr. Geller: Don't listen to your mother. You're independent, and you always have been! Even when you were a kid... and you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles... [Time Lapse.]Mr. Geller: Look, there are people like Ross who need to shoot for the stars, with his museum, and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying where they are- I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer. [Time Lapse.] Mr. Geller: ...And I read about these women trying to have it all, and I thank God 'Our Little Harmonica' doesn't seem to have that problem. Monica: (trying desperately to change the subject) So, Ross, what's going on with you? Any stories? (Digs her elbow into his hand.) No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks? Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby. (Stunned silence ensues.) Mrs. Geller: (To Monica) And you knew about this?! Commercial Break[Scene: Central Park, everyone's there.] Joey: Your folks are really that bad, huh?

Rachel: What? Robbie: Me. (Spits.) Rachel: Anyway, um, (Gets the ring out of her purse.) I guess this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me. Barry: Well, thank you for giving it back. (Barry and Rachel look at each other.) Robbie: Hello?! [Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're still arguing about what to name the baby.] Susan: Oh, please! What's wrong with Helen? Ross: Helen Geller? I don't think so. Carol: Hello? It's not gonna be Helen Geller. Ross: Thank you! Carol: No, I mean it's not Geller. Ross: What, it's gonna be Helen Willick? Carol: No, actually, um, we talked about Helen Willick-Bunch. Ross: Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the title? Susan: It's my baby too. Ross: Oh, 's'funny, really? Um, I don't remember you making any sperm. Susan: Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is! Carol: All right, you two, stop it! Ross: No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I'm in there too. Carol: Ross. You're not actually suggesting Helen Willick-Bunch-Geller? 'Cause I think that borders on child abuse. Ross: Of course not, I'm... suggesting Geller-Willick-Bunch. Susan: Oh, no, nonononono, you see what he's doing? He knows no-one's gonna say all those names, so they'll wind up calling her Geller, then he gets his way! Ross: My way?! You-you think this is my way? Believe me, of all the ways I ever imagined this moment in my life being, this is not my way- y'know what? Uh, um, this is too hard. I'm not, I can't do- Dr. Oberman: (entering) Knock knock!How are we today? Any nausea? All: Yeah. Yeah. A little. Dr. Oberman: Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be, but.. thanks for sharing. (To Carol) Uh, lie back.. Ross: You- uh- y'know what, I'm gonna go. I don't- I don't think I can be involved in this particular thing right now. (He turns to go, but the sound of the sonogram catches hes ear. He returns and stares at it.)Ross: Oh my God. Susan: Look at that. Carol: I know. Closing Credits[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, everyone is watching the tape of the sonogram. Rachel is on the phone.]Ross: Well? Isn't that amazing? Joey: What are we supposed to be seeing here? Chandler: I dunno, but.. I think it's about to attack the Enterprise. Phoebe: You know, if you tilt your head to the left, and relax your eyes, it kinda looks like an old potato. Ross: Then don't do that, alright? Phoebe: Okay! Ross: (walks over to where Monica is standing)Monica. Whaddya think? Monica: (welling up) Mm-hmm. Ross: Wh- are you welling up? Monica: No. Ross: You are, you're welling up. Monica: Am not! Ross: You're gonna be an aunt. Monica: (pushes him and starts to cry) Oh shut up! Rachel: (on phone) Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it's Rachel. Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Barry today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Mind, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose. (Slams the phone down.) (To everyone) Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now.

103 The One With the Thumb[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe is there.] Phoebe: (entering) Hi guys! All: Hey, Pheebs! Hi! Ross: Hey. Oh, oh, how'd it go? Phoebe: Um, not so good. He walked me to the subway and said 'We should do this again!' All: Ohh. Ouch. Rachel: What? He said 'we should do it again', that's good, right? Monica: Uh, no. Loosely translated 'We should do this again' means 'You will never see me naked'. Rachel: Since when? Joey: Since always. It's like dating language. Y'know, like 'It's not you' means 'It is you'. Chandler: Or 'You're such a nice guy' means 'I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you'. Phoebe: Or, or, y'know, um, 'I think we should see other people' means 'Ha, ha, I already am'. Rachel: And everybody knows this? Joey: Yeah. Cushions the blow. Chandler: Yeah, it's like when you're a kid, and your parents put your dog to sleep, and they tell you it went off to live on some farm. Ross: That's funny, that, no, because, uh, our parents actually did, uh, send our dog off to live on a farm. Monica: Uh, Ross. Ross: What? Wh- hello? The Millners' farm in Connecticut? The Millners, they had this unbelievable farm, they had horses, and, and rabbits that he could chase and it was- it w- .....Oh my God, Chi Chi! Opening Credits [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is helping Joey rehearse for a part.]Chandler: "So how does it feel knowing you're about to die?" Joey: "Warden, in five minutes my pain will be over. But you'll have to live with the knowledge that you sent an honest man to die." Chandler: Hey, that was really good! Joey: Thanks! Let's keep going. Chandler: Okay. "So. Whaddya want from me, Damone, huh?" Joey: "I just wanna go back to my cell. 'Cause in my cell, I can smoke." Chandler: "Smoke away." (Joey takes out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He fumbles and drops the lighter. Then he lights a cigarett, takes a drag, and coughs.)Chandler: I think this is probably why Damone smokes in his cell alone. Joey: What? Chandler: Relax your hand! (Joey lets his wrist go limp.) Chandler: Not so much! Joey: Whoah! Chandler: Hey! Joey: Hey! Chandler: Alright, now try taking a puff. (Joey tries and visibly winces.) Chandler: Alright.. okay. No. Give it to me. Joey: No no no, I am not giving you a cigarette. Chandler: It's fine, it's fine. Look, do you wanna get this part, or not? Here. (Joey reluctantly gives him the cigarette.) Chandler: Don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as the thing that's been missing from your hand. When you're holding it, you feel right. You feel complete. Joey: Y'miss it?

Chandler: Nah, not so much. Alright, now we smoke. (Takes a puff.) Oh.. my.. God. (He continues to smoke.) [Scene, Central Perk, everyone except Phoebe and Rachel is there.] Monica: No, no, no. They say it's the same as the distance from the tip of a guy's thumb to the tip of his index finger. (The guys stretch out their fingers.) Joey: That's ridiculous! Ross: Can I use.. either thumb? Rachel: (carrying a tray of drinks) Alright, don't tell me, don't tell me! (Starts handing them out.) Decaf cappucino for Joey.. Coffee black.. Late.. And an iced tea. I'm getting pretty good at this! All: Yeah. Yeah, excellent. Rachel: (leaving to serve others) Good for me! (The gang swaps all the drinks for what they ordered as Phoebe enters. She sits down without saying hi.)Joey: Y'okay, Phoebe? Phoebe: Yeah- no- I'm just- it's, I haven't worked- It's my bank. Monica: What did they do to you? Phoebe: It's nothing, it's just- Okay. I'm going through my mail, and I open up their monthly, you know, STATEMENT- Ross: Easy. Phoebe: - and there's five hundred extra dollars in my account. Chandler: Oh, Satan's minions at work again... Phoebe: Yes, 'cause now I have to go down there, and deal with them. Joey: What are you talking about? Keep it! Phoebe: It's not mine, I didn't earn it, if I kept it, it would be like stealing. Rachel: Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping! Phoebe: Okay. Okay, let's say I bought a really great pair of shoes. Do you know what I'd hear, with every step I took? 'Not-mine. Not-mine. Not-mine.' And even if I was happy, okay, and, and skipping- 'Not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine'... Monica: We're with you. We got it. (Chandler leans over the back of the couch out of sight.) Phoebe: Okay. I'd- just- I'd never be able to enjoy it. It would be like this giant karmic debt. Rachel: Chandler, what are you doing? Monica: (puling him up) Hey. Whaddya doing? (Chandler tries to shrug nonchalantly but eventually he has to exhale a mouthful of smoke.)All: Oh! Oh, God!

Ross: What is this?! Chandler: I'm smoking. I'm smoking, I'm smoking. Phoebe: Oh, I can't believe you! You've been so good, for three years! Chandler: And this- is my reward! Ross: Hold on a second, alright? Just think about what you went through the last time you quit. Chandler: Okay, so this time I won't quit! All: Ohhh! Put it out! Chandler: All right! I'm putting it out, I'm putting it out. (He drops it in Phoebe's coffee.) Phoebe: Oh, no! I- I can't drink this now! Monica: Alright. I'm gonna go change, I've got a date. Rachel: This Alan again? How's it goin'? Monica: 'S'going pretty good, y'know? It's nice, and, we're having fun. Joey: So when do we get to meet the guy? Monica: Let's see, today's Monday... Never. All: Oh, come on! Come on! Monica: No. Not after what happened with Steve. Chandler: What are you talking about? We love Schhteve! Schhteve was schhexy!.. Sorry. Monica: Look, I don't even know how I feel about him yet. Just give me a chance to figure that out.

a shoe, For a... while...' (Dubious pause.) Ross: ...So I think Alan will become the yardstick against which all future boyfriends will be measured. Rachel: What future boyfriends? Nono, I th- I think this could be, y'know, it. Monica: Really! Chandler: Oh, yeah. I'd marry him just for his David Hasselhof impression alone. You know I'm gonna be doing that at parties, right? (Does the impression) Ross: You know what I like most about him, though? All: What? Ross: The way he makes me feel about myself. All: Yeah... Commercial Break [Scene: Central Perk, Monica is alone as Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Joey enter dejectedly in softball gear.] Monica: Hi.. how was the game? Ross: Well.. All: WE WON!! Thank you! Yes! Monica: Fantastic! I have one question: How is that possible? Joey: Alan. Ross: He was unbelievable. He was like that-that-that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is playing all the positions, right, but instead of Bugs it was first base-Alan, second base-Alan, third base-... Rachel: I mean, it-it was like, it was like he made us into a team. Chandler: Yep, we sure showed those Hassidic jewellers a thing or two about softball.. Monica: Can I ask you guys a question? D'you ever think that Alan is maybe.. sometimes.. Ross: What? Monica: ..I dunno, a little too Alan? Rachel: Well, no. That's impossible. You can never be too Alan. Ross: Yeah, it's his, uh, innate Alan-ness that-that-that we adore. Chandler: I personally could have a gallon of Alan. [Scene: A street, Phoebe walks up to a homeless person (Lizzie) she knows.] Phoebe: Hey, Lizzie. Lizzie: Hey, Weird Girl. Phoebe: I brought you alphabet soup. Lizzie: Did you pick out the vowels? Phoebe: Yes. But I left in the Ys. 'Cause, y'know, "sometimes y". Uh, I also have something else for you. (She searches in her purse.) Lizzie: Saltines? Phoebe: No, but would you like a thousand dollars and a football phone? Lizzie: What? (She opens the envelope Phoebe has given her.) Oh my God, there's really money in here. Phoebe: I know. Lizzie: Weird Girl, what are you doing? Phoebe: No, I want you to have it. I don't want it. Lizzie: No, no, I ha-I have to give you something. Phoebe: Oh, that's fine, no. Lizzie: Would you like my tin-foil hat? Phoebe: No. 'Cause you need that. No, it's okay, thanks. Lizzie: Please, let me do something. Phoebe: Okay, alright, you buy me a soda, and then we're even. Okay? Lizzie: Okay. Phoebe: Okay. [Scene: Chandler's office, Chandler looks around, opens his desk drawer, takes a puff of a cigarette, sprays around some air freshener, and takes some breath spray. He types for a little while, opens the

drawer again, and takes another drag of the cigarette. While not paying attention, he sprays the breath spray around the room, takes a squirt of air freshener and gags.][Scene: A Street, Phoebe and Lizzie are at a hot dog vendor.]Lizzie: Keep the change. (To Phoebe) Sure you don't wanna pretzel? Phoebe: No, I'm fine. Lizzie: (leaves) See ya. (Phoebe opens the can and reacts.) Phoebe: Huh! [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is telling everyone about her discovery.]Ross: A thumb?! (Phoebe nods.) All: Eww! Phoebe: I know! I know, I opened it up and there it was, just floating in there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker! Chandler: Well, maybe it's a contest, y'know? Like, collect all five? Phoebe: Does, um, anyone wanna see? All: Nooo! (Chandler lights a cigarette.)All: Oh, hey, don't do that! Cut it out! Rachel: It's worse than the thumb! Chandler: Hey, this is so unfair! Monica: Oh, why is it unfair? Chandler: So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey's constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? And Ross, with his over-pronouncing every single word? And Monica, with that snort when she laughs? I mean, what the hell is that thing? ...I accept all those flaws, why can't you accept me for this? (An awkward silence ensues.)Joey: ...Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody? Rachel: Well, I-I could live without it. Joey: Well, is it, like, a little annoying, or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair? (Phoebe spits out her hair.)Ross: Oh, now, don't listen to him, Pheebs, I think it's endearing. Joey: Oh, (Imitating Ross) "you do, do you"? (Monica laughs and snorts.) Ross: You know, there's nothing wrong with speaking correctly. Rachel: "Indeed there isn't"... I should really get back to work. Phoebe: Yeah, 'cause otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered. Rachel: Ohh-ho-hooohhh. The hair comes out, and the gloves come on. (They degenerate into bickering and Chandler happily starts to smoke, undisturbed.)[Scene: Iridium, Monica and Paula are working.]Monica: Did you ever go out with a guy your friends all really like? Paula: No. Monica: Okay.. Well, I'm going out with a guy my friends all really like. Paula: Waitwait.. we talking about the coyotes here? All right, a cow got through! Monica: Can you believe it? ...Y'know what? I just don't feel the thing. I mean, they feel the thing, I don't feel the thing. Paula: Honey.. you should always feel the thing. Listen, if that's how you feel about the guy, Monica, dump him! Monica: I know.. it's gonna be really hard. Paula: Well, he's a big boy, he'll get over it. Monica: No, he'll be fine. It's the other five I'm worried about. [Scene: Cental Perk, Joey and Ross are persecuting Chandler about his smoking.]Joey: Do you have any respect for your body? Ross: Don't you realise what you're-you're doing to yourself? Chandler: Hey, y'know, I have had it with you guys and your cancer and your emphysema and your

Monica: I'll meet somone else. There'll be other Alans. All: Oh, yeah! Right! Monica: Are you guys gonna be okay? Ross: Hey hey, we'll be fine. We're just gonna need a little time. Monica: (dubious) I understand. [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica is breaking the news to Alan.]Alan: Wow. Monica: I'm, I'm really sorry. Alan: Yeah, I'm sorry too. But, I gotta tell you, I am a little relieved. Monica: Relieved? Alan: Yeah, well, I had a great time with you.. I just can't stand your friends. Closing Credits [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is mopping around and eating ice cream.] Rachel: Remember when we went to Central Park and rented boats?.. That was fun. Ross: Yeah. He could row like a viking. Monica: (entering) Hi. All: Mmm. Ross: So how'd it go? Monica: Oh, y'know.. Phoebe: Did he mention us? Monica: He said he's really gonna miss you guys. (dubious look) Ross: You had a rough day, huh.. c'mere. (She sits down and Ross strokes her forehead.) Chandler: ...That's it. I'm getting cigarettes. All: No no no! Chandler: (leaving) I don't care, I don't care! Game's over! I'm weak! I've gotta smoke! I've gotta have the smoke! Phoebe: (shouting as he leaves) If you never smoke again I'll give you seven thousand dollars! Chandler: (returns) Yeah, alright.End

Phoebe: No, Jack and the Beanstalk. Monica: Ah, the other Jack. Phoebe: Yeah, right! See, he gave up something, but then he got those magic beans. And then he woke up, and there was this, this big plant outside his window, full of possibilities and stuff.. And he lived in a village, and you live in the Village.. Rachel: Okay, but Pheebs, Pheebs, Jack gave up a cow, I gave up an orthodontist. Okay, I-I-I know, I know I didn't love him- Phoebe: Oh, see, Jack did love the cow. Rachel: But see, it was a plan. Y'know, it was clear. It was figured out, and now everything's just kinda like... Phoebe: Floopy? Rachel: Yeah. Monica: So what, you're not the only one. I mean, half the time we don't know where we're going. You've just gotta figure at some point it's all gonna come together, and it's just gonna be... un-floopy. Phoebe: Oh, like that's a word. Rachel: Okay, but Monica, what if- what if it doesn't come together? Monica: ...Pheebs? Phoebe: Oh, well... 'cause.... you just... I don't like this question. Rachel: Okay, see, see, you guys, what if we don't get magic beans? I mean, what if all we've got are.. beans? [Scene: Madison Square Garden, the guys are watching the game.]Ross: Get him! GET HIM! Get him! Get- YESSS! Not laughing now, are ya pal! Chandler: (to Ross) See buddy, that's all you need, a bunch of toothless guys hitting each other with sticks. Ross: Pass it! Pass it! Chandler: He's open! All: Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! (The player shoots and the puck flies off the rink and hits Ross in the face. Chandler looks concered until he notices...) Chandler: Hey, look, we're on that TV thing! (Chandler and Joey hold the puck and wave at the TV thing.) Commercial Break[Scene: An Emergency Room, Chandler and Joey are leading Ross in.]Chandler: (to the receptionist)'Scuse me. Receptionist: (holds up her hand—she is on the phone) It says to call this number if you're not completely satisfied with this candy bar. Well, I'm not completely satisfied. Chandler: Listen, it's kind of an emergency. Well, I guess you know that, or we'd be in the predicament room. (The receptionist glares at him.) Receptionist: (on phone) Hold on. (To Chandler) Fill these out, sit over there. (Tosses him some forms.) Ross: (jumping to his feet) Look, I don't wanna make any trouble, okay, but I'm in a lot of pain here, alright? My face is dented. Receptionist: Well, you'll have to wait your turn. Joey: Well, how long do you think it'll be? Receptionist: (sarcastic) Any minute now. Ross: Hey, this- (she gives him a look and the guys back off) Heyy... [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the slumber party continues.]Rachel: I'm so sorry, you guys. I didn't mean to bring you down. Monica: No, you were right. I don't have a plan. (There's a knock on the door.) Pizza Guy: (yelling from outside) Pizza guy! Rachel: Thank God. Food. (She goes to answer the door.) Monica: Phoebe? Phoebe: What? Monica: Do you have a plan?

Phoebe: I don't even have a 'pl'. Pizza Guy: Hi, one, uh, mushroom, green pepper and onion? Rachel: (miserably) No, no, that's not what we ordered... We ordered a fat-free crust with extra cheese. Pizza Guy: Wait, you're not 'G.Stephanopoulos?' Man, my dad's gonna kill me! Monica: (leaping off of the couch and runs up) Wait! Did you say 'G.Stephanopoulos?' Pizza Guy: Yeah. This one goes across the street, I must have given him yours. Oh, bonehead, bonehead! Monica: Wait, was this a-a small mediterranean guy with curiously intelligent good looks? Pizza Guy: Yeah, that sounds about right. Monica: Was he wearing a stunning blue suit? Phoebe: And-and a power tie? Pizza Guy: No, pretty much just a towel. Monica: (staggered) Oh God. Pizza Guy: So you guys want me to take this back? Monica: Are you nuts?! We've got George Stephanopoulos' pizza! (Rachel pays him, Monica grabs some binoculars, and runs to the window.) Rachel: Uh, Pheebs? Who's George Snuffalopagus? Phoebe: Big Bird's friend. Monica: I see pizza! Phoebe: Oh, I wanna see! Lemme see! Lemme see! (She runs up and takes the binoculars.) Rachel: Hello? Who are we spying on? Monica: White House adviser? Clinton's campaign guy? The one with the great hair, sexy smile, really cute butt? Rachel: Oh, him, the little guy? Oh, I love him! Phoebe: Ooh, wait.. wait, I see a woman. Monica: Please tell me it's his mother. Phoebe: Definitely not his mother. Monica: Oh, no... Phoebe: Oh, wait, she's walking across the floor.. she's walking.. she's walking.. she's going for the pizza- (Yelling) Hey, that's not for you, bitch! (Phoebe covers her mouth with her hand walks away from the window.) [Scene: The Emergency Room, Joey is miming hockey pucks kitting foreheads. Chandler realises it's getting tense and goes to the receptionist again.]Chandler: Excuse me, look, we've been here for over an hour, and a lot of people less sick than my friend have gone in. I mean, that guy with the toe thing? Who's he sleeping with? (She slides the gladd panel over and Chandler talks through it in a loud voice.) Oh, c'mon Dora, don't be mad... I know we both said some things we didn't mean, but that doesn't mean we still don't love each other. (To the waiting room.) Y'know, I feel like I've lost her.. (She slides the panel back, he turns, and it takes him by surprise.) Ba-! [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are all out on the balcony.]Monica: Light still out? Rachel: Yeah. Monica: Oh. Maybe they're- napping. Rachel: Oh please, they're having sex. Monica and Phoebe: Shut up! Rachel: So, whaddya think George is like? Monica: I think he's shy. Phoebe: Yeah? Monica: Yeah. I think you have to draw him out. And then- when you do- he's a preppy animal. [Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is still going on about his first night with Carol.]Ross: I remember the moonlight coming through the window- and her face had the most incredible glow. Chandler: Yes, the moon, the glow, the magical feeling, you did this part- Could I get some

101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The Pilot-The Uncut Version)[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.]Monica: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with!Joey: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him!Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk?(They all stare, bemused.)Phoebe: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.[Time Lapse]Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there.Joey: Instead of...?Chandler: That's right.Joey: Never had that dream.Phoebe: No.Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me. Monica: And they weren't looking at you before?!Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me![Time Lapse, Ross has entered.]Ross: (mortified) Hi.Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.Monica: Are you okay, sweetie?Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...Chandler: Cookie?Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today. Joey: Ohh.Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee.Ross: Thanks.Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.)Ross: No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay?Phoebe: Fine! Be murky!Ross: I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy.Monica: No you don't.Ross: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me!Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know?Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., "I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren." was what? A wrong number?Ross: Sorry.Joey: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?(Ross gestures his consent.)Joey: Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones!Ross: I don't want to be single, okay? I just... I just- I just wanna be married again!(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.)Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)Monica: Rachel?!

Chandler: That is amazing.Joey: Congratulations. Rachel: Y'know, I figure if I can make coffee, there isn't anything I can't do.Chandler: If can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do.Joey: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something... (Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) Although actually I'm really not that hungry...Monica: (entering, to herself) Oh good, Lenny and Squigy are here.All: Morning. Good morning.Paul: (entering from Monica's room) Morning.Joey: Morning, Paul.Rachel: Hello, Paul.Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it?(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear. The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.)Paul: Thank you! Thank you so much!Monica: Stop!Paul: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all my birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene in Witness.Monica: We'll talk later.Paul: Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits)Joey: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date?Monica: Shut up, and put my table back.All: Okayyy! (They do so.)Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference... Rachel: So, like, you guys all have jobs?Monica: Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that's how we buy stuff.Joey: Yeah, I'm an actor.Rachel: Wow! Would I have seen you in anything?Joey: I doubt it. Mostly regional work.Monica: Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the Reruns' production of Pinocchio, at the little theater in the park.Joey: Look, it was a job all right?Chandler: 'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'Joey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door and opens it to leave.)Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song and dances out of the door.) "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."Joey: You should both know, that he's a dead man. Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.) Monica: So how you doing today? Did you sleep okay? Talk to Barry? I can't stop smiling.Rachel: I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.Monica: I know, he's just so, so... Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco?Rachel: Oh, yeah.Monica: Well, it's like that. With feelings.Rachel: Oh wow. Are you in trouble.Monica: Big time!Rachel: Want a wedding dress? Hardly used.Monica: I think we are getting a little ahead of selves here. Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work and not think about him all day. Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work.Rachel: Oh, look, wish me luck!Monica: What for?Rachel: I'm gonna go get one of those (Thinks) job things.(Monica exits.)[Scene: Iridium, Monica is working as Frannie enters.] Frannie: Hey, Monica! Monica: Hey Frannie, welcome back! How was Florida? Frannie: You had sex, didn't you? Monica: How do you do that?Frannie: Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle and you're having sex! So? Who? 

Monica: You know Paul? Frannie: Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul. Monica: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul? Frannie: Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years. [Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is there.]Joey: (sitting on the arm of the couch)Of course it was a line! Monica: Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that? Ross: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than 'to get you into bed'. Monica: I hate men! I hate men!Phoebe: Oh no, don't hate, you don't want to put that out into the universe.Monica: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear? Phoebe: All right, c'mere, gimme your feet. (She starts massaging them.) Monica: I just thought he was nice, y'know? Joey: (bursts out laughing again) I can't believe you didn't know it was a line! (Monica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enters with a shopping bag.) Rachel: Guess what? Ross: You got a job? Rachel: Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was laughed out of twelve interviews today. Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat. Rachel: You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty percent off! Chandler: Oh, how well you know me... Rachel: They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots! Monica: How'd you pay for them? Rachel: Uh, credit card. Monica: And who pays for that? Rachel: Um... my... father. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table. Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.]Rachel: Oh God, come on you guys, is this really necessary? I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want. Monica: C'mon, you can't live off your parents your whole life. Rachel: I know that. That's why I was getting married. Phoebe: Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time. Rachel: Thank you. Phoebe: You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel. (Pause) Ross: The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'... Monica: All right, you ready?Rachel: No. No, no, I'm not ready! How can I be ready? "Hey, Rach! You ready to jump out the airplane without your parachute?" Come on, I can't do this!Monica: You can, I know you can! Rachel: I don't think so.Ross: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything! (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.)Ross: C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,... All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut... (She cuts one of them and they cheer.)Rachel: Y'know what? I think we can just leave it at that. It's kinda like a symbolic gesture...

Monica: Rachel! That was a library card! All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut..Chandler: (as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y'know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream. (She finishes cutting them up and they all cheer.)Monica: Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonna love it! [Time Lapse, Rachel and Ross are watching a TV channel finishes it's broadcast day by playing the national anthem.] Monica: Well, that's it (To Ross) You gonna crash on the couch? Ross: No. No, I gotta go home sometime. Monica: You be okay? Ross: Yeah. Rachel: Hey Mon, look what I just found on the floor. (Monica smiles.) What? Monica: That's Paul's watch. You just put it back where you found it. Oh boy. Alright. Goodnight, everybody. Ross and Rachel: Goodnight.(Monica stomps on Paul's watch and goes into her room.)Ross: Mmm. (They both reach for the last cookie) Oh, no- Rachel: Sorry- Ross: No no no, go- Rachel: No, you have it, really, I don't want it- Ross: Split it? Rachel: Okay. Ross: Okay. (They split it.) You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you. Rachel: I knew. Ross: You did! Oh.... I always figured you just thought I was Monica's geeky older brother. Rachel: I did. Ross: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here- but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe? Rachel: Yeah, maybe... Ross: Okay... okay, maybe I will... Rachel: Goodnight. Ross: Goodnight. (Rachel goes into her room and Monica enters the living room as Ross is leaving.) Monica: See ya.... Waitwait, what's with you? Ross: I just grabbed a spoon. (Ross exits and Monica has no idea what that means.) Closing Credits[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.] Joey: I can't believe what I'm hearing here. Phoebe: (sings) I can't believe what I'm hearing here... Monica: What? I-I said you had a- Phoebe: (sings) What I said you had... Monica: (to Phoebe) Would you stop? Phoebe: Oh, was I doing it again?All: Yes!Monica: I said that you had a nice butt, it's just not a great butt.Joey: Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit ya.Ross: There's an image. Rachel: (walks up with a pot of coffee) Would anybody like more coffee? Chandler: Did you make it, or are you just serving it? Rachel: I'm just serving it. All: Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee. Chandler: Kids, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas. (Rachel sits down to hear Chandler's dream.)Customer: (To Rachel) Ahh, miss? More coffee? Rachel: Ugh. (To another customer that's leaving.) Excuse me, could you give this to that guy over there? (Hands him the coffee pot.) Go ahead. (He does so.) Thank you. (To the gang.) Sorry. Okay, Las Vegas.Chandler: Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza Minelli- End