Hi Yuri!
As a psychic and potential world leader, you need to dress the part. Boxers or briefs?
- Matt E.
嗨，尤里！
作为一名心灵能力者和潜在的世界领袖，你的着装得符合身份才行。你会选平角裤还是三角裤？
—— 马特·E
Dear Matt,
Boxers or briefs? Your trite question only serves to reinforce the necessity to control minds like yours. My choice of undergarments should be the least of your concerns; better you should worry about the Virus sniper poised outside your house. Your future as an exploding cloud of noxious green gas is assured!
All the best,
Yuri
亲爱的马特：
平角裤还是三角裤？！你这种无聊透顶的问题，只会更加凸显出控制你这种人心智的必要性。我对内衣的选择是你最不需要操心的事，我看你倒不如去担心一下此刻正潜伏在你家门外的病毒狙击手。你化为一团爆裂开来的绿色毒气的命运，已然注定！
祝一切顺利，
尤里

Yuri,
You know I'm quite tired of those boy bands, could you mind control them to play better music? A mind is a terrible thing to waste and music is too!! If you want to take over the world, please at least do something about those boy bands while you're at it!
Redfann91
尤里：
你知道吗，我已经对那些男子乐队厌烦透顶了，你能心灵控制他们，让他们演奏出更好听的音乐吗？浪费头脑是件可怕的事，浪费音乐也一样！！如果你想征服世界，至少请在顺便征服世界的时候，把那些男子乐队的问题也给解决了吧！
Redfann91
My Dear Redfann,
If your biggest concern is the plight of your beloved "boy bands," I fear that a mind is indeed a terrible thing to waste. When I unleash my Psychic Dominator in the backstreets of the world, there will be no need for boy bands, bad music or free will. Simply surrender to me so we will be in sync and can turn feeble boys into men.
Kind Regards,
Yuri
我亲爱的Redfann：
如果你最关心的事就是你所钟爱的那些「男子乐队」的困境，那我不得不说「浪费头脑」确实是一件可怕的事。当我在世界的大街小巷启动我的心灵控制器时，就不再需要什么男子乐队、糟糕的音乐、或者自由意志了。只需要向我臣服，这样我们就能步调一致，还能把那些软弱的娘娘腔改造为真正的男人。
此致，
尤里

Frankly Yuri, that symbol on your head looks disturbing. Did you put it on with a marker, or is it a tattoo? Do little kids laugh at you?
IrishFries
坦白说，尤里，你头上那个标志看起来挺令人不安的。你是用马克笔画上去的，还是纹身？小家伙们会嘲笑你吗？
IrishFries
Dear Matt,
Any discomfort my "symbol" causes you will soon pass when you surrender your will to me. And rest assured, you will submit…..
And yes, little kids used to laugh at me, until I fed them into my Grinder……
Sincerely
Yuri
亲爱的马特：
我的「标志」给你带来的任何不适，在你向我臣服之后很快就会消散。请放心，你会服从的……
是的，过去确实有小鬼嘲笑我，直到我把他们送进了我的部队回收厂……
此致，
尤里

Dear Yuri,
As an older brother, I've been wondering if, when you were a child, you would mind control your parents and siblings to do chores for you or buy you things you normally wouldn't have been allowed to own? If so, will you teach me how to mind control mine?
Nick
亲爱的尤里：
作为（家里的）哥哥，我一直很好奇，在你小时候，你会心灵控制你的父母和兄弟姐妹帮你做家务，或者给你买那些平时不允许拥有的东西吗？如果是的话，你能教教我怎么心灵控制我的家人吗？
尼克
Nick,
My powers cannot be taught to one such as you. My abilities are a gift and part of my prophecy to rule. Since my parents and siblings were easy to manipulate and control, ruling a world is a mere eventuality. As I’ve told your President Dugan, why should I settle for controlling the minds of a mere few when I can dominate the minds of an entire world? I encourage you to set your a goals a bit higher, too.
Be Good!
Yuri
尼克：
我的能力是无法传授给像你这样的人的。我的天赋是上天的馈赠，也是我统治预言的一部分。既然我的父母和兄弟姐妹都如此容易被操纵和控制，那么统治世界不过是早晚的事。正如我对你们的杜根总统所说的那样，当我能够主宰整个世界的心灵时，又为什么要满足于仅仅控制几个人呢？我也鼓励你把目标定得更高一些。
保重！
尤里

Hi Yuri.
How come your so evil? Don't take it the wrong way, but there are supervillans out there who are also fun-loving nice guys. Why not try to change your scary persona a bit? I think all you need is a tan, a sport coat and jeans, and possibly a full frontal lobotomy (to dispose of all that freaky mind-control whatnot). Try to loosen up a bit. Just because you're a homicidal maniac doesn't mean you can't have some fun!
Post Office
嗨，尤里：
你怎么会这么邪恶？别误会，外面其实有不少超级反派同时也是热爱生活的好人。为什么不试着改变一下你那个吓人的形象呢？我觉得你需要的只是一身晒黑的皮肤、一件休闲外套加牛仔裤，可能还需要做个前额叶切除术（好清除掉所有那些古怪的心灵控制玩意儿）。试着放松一点。就算你是个图图狂魔，也不意味着你就不能享享乐嘛！
邮局
How rude! Someone with the name "Post Office" has the nerve to refer to me as "scary" and a "homicidal maniac." You would make a great Brute. Meet me at my Genetic Mutator next Thursday.
Sincerely,
Yuri
真是太无礼了！一个叫「邮局」的家伙竟敢说我「可怕」，还说我是个「图图狂魔」。你倒是很适合被改造成一个狂兽人。下周四，记得来我的基因突变器报到。
此致，
尤里

Yuri,
What is it like to be permanently surrounded by inferior minds? Also, do you feel that your desire to conquer the world stems from the fact that you have never had a dog? Maybe you should get a huskie.
Jeremy
尤里：
老是被一群低劣的灵魂包围着是什么感觉？另外，你是否觉得你征服世界的欲望，其实源于你从来没有养过狗？也许你该去养一只哈士奇⁴了。
杰里米
I have had dogs that are more intelligent than the feeble minds you speak of. They have left me no choice but to take over the world, my friend. The feeble-minded of the world will soon realize that Yuri understands what’s best for them, and that there is no need for this "free will." One blast from my Psychic Dominator is all it takes.
Until Next Time!
Yuri
我养过的狗都比你提到的那些低劣灵魂要聪明得多。他们让我别无选择，只能去征服世界，我的朋友。这世上那些愚昧的人们很快就会意识到，根本不需要什么所谓的「自由意志」，只有尤里才知道什么对他们才是最好的，我的心灵控制器只需要启动一次就足够了。
后会有期！
尤里

Dear Yuri,
When you mind control, do you ever get a radio signal through that gear on your head? Does your mind-control device pick up FM radio by mistake instead of an innocent young GI's frequency waves of cerebellum tissue?
-ZeRo-
亲爱的尤里：
当你进行心灵控制时，你头上那个装置会收到无线电信号吗？你的心灵控制设备会不会一不小心接收到FM广播，而不是某个无辜年轻美国大兵的小脑发出的脑电波？
-ZeRo-
It has been known to happen during allergy season. But because of it, I can hardly wait to expose Howard Stern to my Genetic Mutator.
Sincerely,
Yuri
在过敏季节确实发生过这种事。不过也正因如此，我已经等不及把霍华德·斯特恩⁵塞进我的基因突变器了。
此致，
尤里

译者注释：
1.指阿尔伯特·爱因斯坦（Albert Einstein）。
2.小布什是自1888年本杰明·哈里森赢得选举113年后，第一个在普选票阶段少于其他候选人的情况下还能赢得美国总统大选的人。至于第二个，那就是2016年的唐纳德·川普了。
3.水牛城比尔队曾在1991年到1994年期间，连续四次打入超级碗，但都未获胜。
4.游戏中苏联的军犬就是哈士奇。
5.美国广播电视名人、喜剧演员和作家。他是广播节目《霍华德·斯特恩秀》的主持人。

这样一看原版尤里纯屑啊，统治世界单纯就是想剥削奴役所有人

厉害，我已经迫不及待去开一把尤里了

美式笑话