2026.01.01
防吞

喜欢直男同事
有机会就吃点豆腐
独处的两人
蛮开心的
但是
昨天同事聚餐
吃完饭去ktv
看到他的状态
算了
他是直男
我得与他保持距离
以后就当普通同事
好难过
PS：昨天看到一个好帅的熊，太喜欢了，多看看好几眼，真想偷拍，可惜不敢

改变不了别人
只能强行控制自己

好难过
今天听到
我们团队至少有一个人要走
也有可能是两个
喜欢的直男又不理我
应该是在反感我吃他豆腐
明明说要跟他保持距离
但是又没办法做到
好难过

“我想摸你”
“我不想听这样的话题”
强行说了好几次
之前只是拒绝
现在直接这样说了
到此为止了
以后真的就保持距离
很不开心

虽然立下flag
可能明天就又屁颠屁颠的凑上去了
但是还是要立
万一真的就完成了
虽然不开心
但是我也没办法
毕竟改变不了别人
都是自己的一厢情愿

祛魅
努力让自己和他保持距离
起因是他拿资料给我
然后走了
我看资料，发现东西少了
（其实是我当下没看仔细）
（但是想到能有机会去和他说话，就开心，也就没有仔细翻）
然后就去跟他说，是不是资料拿少了
结果他边走边说
“少就少，到时候补上，一直催催催”
然后他就翻资料，确实是我看漏了，夹在其中一份资料里面
“不是在这里，哪有少”
边回去边碎碎念
当时好难过，只是提醒他而已，也没有一直催的意思
结果他这样认为
所以我让自己对他祛魅
以前每次看到他就很开心
现在一直告诉自己，对他祛魅
想想这件事
自己很难过
慢慢的看到他
就当看到陌生人一样
招呼都不打了
虽然心里蛮难过的
但是我不想再这样被误解了
哪怕真的蛮喜欢他的

disenchantmentMake an effort to keep a distance from himThe reason is that he gave me the informationAnd then he leftI looked at the information and found that something was missing(Actually, I didn't look carefully at it right now)(But the thought of having the opportunity to talk to him made me happy, so I didn't read it carefully.)Then I went to tell him if he had taken too little informationAs he walked, he saidLess is less, make up for it when the time comes, keep urgingThen he flipped through the information, and it was indeed me who missed it and got caught up in one of the documentsIf it's not here, there won't be any shortageWhispering while going backI was so sad at that time, just reminding him, without any intention of constantly urging himAs a result, he believed thatSo I let myself exorcise himI used to be very happy every time I saw himNow I keep telling myself to exorcise himThink about this matterI am very sadSlowly seeing himJust like seeing a strangerI don't even say hello anymoreAlthough I feel quite sad in my heartBut I don't want to be misunderstood like this againEven if he really likes him

今天，又被安排测算数据。刚好是他负责的项目，他坐在我旁边，我都不想正眼看他，他抽烟，一身的烟味，但我还是想摸他，最终还是没忍住找机会摸他了。算是破冰了，晚上还去他宿舍加班，加班完，乘机摸他，他是拒绝的，我也就走了，不想自讨没趣，告诉自己还是要保持距离。反正现在就是努力放大他的缺点，告诉自己，他没有什么可以留恋的，就当个普通同事，甚至把他当成陌生人。

Today, I was assigned to calculate data again. It happened to be his project. He sat next to me, and I didn't even want to look at him. He smoked, and he reeked of cigarettes, but I still wanted to touch him. In the end, I couldn't resist and found an opportunity to touch him. That was a small icebreaker. Later that night, I went to his dorm to work overtime. After we finished, I took the opportunity to touch him again, but he refused, so I left. I didn't want to make a fool of myself and told myself to keep my distance. Now I'm just trying to magnify his flaws and tell myself that there's nothing to miss about him. I'll just treat him as an ordinary colleague, or even a stranger.

今早领导发给我一家单位的预算但是在之前我已经调整完了还好数据差的不多顺便得了一波好感
This morning, my supervisor sent me a budget from a company, but I had already made adjustments beforehand. Luckily, the data wasn't too far off, and I even gained some goodwill in the process.

今天又祛魅了一起出来吃高高兴兴的但是人有点多还是有点不舒服吃完后有个同事去跟其他包厢的敬酒让我上来叫上来后我都不认识我就在门外等一会同事上来叫边走边说“叫个人都不会”没办法我就是这么内向听完，整个人更不爽了我已经对你没兴趣了越这样说越让我反感祛魅了希望以后别犯傻

I had another breakdown today. We went out for a nice meal, but it was a bit crowded, so I felt a little uncomfortable. After we finished eating, a colleague went to toast people in other private rooms and asked me to come up and greet them. When I came up, I didn't recognize any of them, so I waited outside. A while later, my colleague came up to greet them, saying as he walked, "Can't you even greet someone properly?" I can't help it, I'm just that introverted. Hearing that made me even more annoyed. I've already lost interest in you. The more you say things like that, the more disgusted I become. I've broken free of my illusions; I hope I won't make the same mistake again.