[after coming out of the movies with Angel] Buffy: Well. Angel: Well. Buffy: That was very... artistic. Angel: Yeah. Buffy: It wasn't what I expected. I mean I've never actually seen... Well, from the title, I thought it was about food. Angel: Well, there was food. Buffy: Right. Th- The scene with the... food. So feel like getting some hot chocolate, or some cold shower? Angel: I'm sorry. I wanted to take you out somewhere fun. It's been a long time since I've been to the movies. They've changed. Buffy: A little scary. And a little not, which is also scary. I'm sorry. I just don't like getting you worked up like that. We can't actually do any of those things. You'd lose your soul, and besides, I don't even own a kimono. Angel: Buffy, you don't have to worry about me. Buffy: I just don't like to rub your nose in it... Suddenly wondering where that expression comes from. Angel: Look, I don't need to see movies to get worked up. Just being around you does that just fine. It doesn't mean that I'm going to lose control, or that I'm going to be frustrated around you. It feels nice just to feel. Buffy: It doesn't drive you crazy when we're close? Angel: Watch this. [kiss] Angel: See? Safe as houses. [kiss again] Faith: Check out the lust bunnies. [Buffy and Angel pull away] Buffy: Patrol? [Faith nods] Angel: The council has you back on active duty? Faith: Finally. They want us down by Mercer. Buffy: Ok. [turns toward Angel] Buffy: Good night. Angel: I'll see you soon. Faith: Don't worry big guy. Just keeping her warm for you. [Buffy and Faith leave] Angel: Yeah.Buffy: Harmony's a vampire? She must be dying without a reflection.Spike: This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed.Xander: So, here it is. The latest in state of the art combat technology. I gotta say, it doesn't look that complicated. Buffy: So you can repair it? Xander: Sure. Just as soon as I get my master's degree in advanced starship technology. Willow: Well, why don't we experiment? Press some buttons, see what happens. Giles: Well, I'd like to veto that. Xander: Second. It's called a blaster, Will. A word that tends to discourage experimentation. Now, if it were called the Orgasmator, I'd be the first to try your basic button press approach.[to Jonathan] Xander: Oh! Oh! He's like, your kryptonite.Xander: No, it's just... this Malcolm guy? What's his deal? I mean, tell me you're not slightly wigged. Buffy: Okay, slightly. I mean, just not knowing what he's really like. Xander: Or who he really is. I mean, sure he says he's a high school student, but I can say I'm a high school student. Buffy: You are. Xander: Okay, but I can also say that I'm an elderly Dutch woman. Get me? I mean, who's to say I'm not if I'm in the elderly Dutch chat room? Buffy: I get your point! [gets his point] Buffy: I get your point. Oh, this guy could be anybody. He could be weird, or crazy, or old, or... He could be a circus freak. [panicked] Buffy: He's probably a circus freak! 

Xander: Yeah. I mean, we read about it all the time. Y'know, people meet on the 'Net, they talk, they get together, have dinner, a show, horrible ax murder. Buffy: Willow ax murdered by a circus freak... Okay, okay, what do we do? [realizes her paranoia] Buffy: What are we doing? Xander, you get me started! We are totally overreacting! Xander: But it's fun, isn't it?Spike: Look at you. All afraid I'm hot for your honey. Riley: Because you are. Spike: Well... yeah. But that's not your problem. Even if I wasn't in the picture, you're never gonna be able to hold onto her.[Anya and Willow are about to do a spell] Anya: This isn't gonna get all sexy, is it? Willow: I'd be shocked.Buffy: We saved the world. I say we party.Willow: Happy hunting. Buffy: Wish me monsters.Angel: Do you love me? Buffy: What? Angel: Do you? Buffy: I love you. I don't know if I trust you.Buffy: Professor Walsh, that simple little recon you sent me on... wasn't a raccoon. Turns out it was me trapped in the sewers with a faulty weapon and two of your pet demons. If you think that's enough to kill me, you *really* don't know what a Slayer is. Trust me when I say you're gonna find out.Andrew: Get out of my brain!Buffy: I don't know what it is, Spike, but I know there's something you're not telling me. Spike: You're right, there is; but we aren't best friends anymore. So, too bad for me. I'm not sharing. We've been through things, the end of the world and back. I can be useful because, honestly, I've got nothing better to do. You can make use of me if you want.Angel: You and me, Faith, we're a lot alike. Time was, I thought humans existed just to hurt each other. But then I came here. And I found out that there are other types of people. People who genuinely wanted to do right. And they make mistakes. And they fall down. You know, but they keep caring. Keep trying. If you can trust us, Faith, this can all change. You don't have to disappear into the darkness.Buffy: I don't know what to do. Angel: Then let me decide for you. I can face this thing. Buffy: You can't. Angel: Look, I, I can at least buy you enough time for Willow's spell to bind it. Buffy, this is worse than anything we've ever faced. It's the only way. Buffy: I can't watch you die again. Angel: I love you. Buffy: I love you. Angel: Nothing can change that. Not even death.

[after Spike slays a vampire for her] Buffy: Spike. Why did you do that? Spike: Not for money, if that's what you're thinkin'. Your heartfelt gratitude is plenty. Expect I'll be getting that any moment. Buffy: Gratitude? For getting in my way? Spike: Getting in your way? I saved you. Buffy: I was regrouping. Spike: You were about to be regrouped into separate piles. You needed help. Buffy: I didn't need you. I never need you, Spike. Spike: Oh, I get it. You just don't like who did the rescuing, that's all. Wishin' I was your boyfriend what's-his-height - oh wait, he's run off. Buffy: You know what? I don't need a boyfriend. To rescue me or for any other reason. Spike: Don't need or can't keep? You keep making notches on the headboard, but eventually they get out of bed and run off, don't they? Buffy: You're disgusting. Spike: Rough talk. Maybe that's your problem - maybe you push 'em away? Or is it the other - maybe you cling too much? Or maybe... your beauty's fading. The stress of slaying aging you prematurely. Things not as high, not as firm. Buffy: You know what, Spike? The more I get to know you, the more I wish I didn't. Spike: Or maybe you just don't hold their interest. [walks away]

Spike: Something's happening to me. I can't stop thinking about you. And if that means turning my back on the whole evil... Buffy: You don't know what you mean. You don't know what feelings are. Spike: I damn well do. I lie awake every night... Buffy: You sleep during the day. Spike: Yeah but- you are missing the point. This is real here. I lov... Buffy: Don't. Don't say it. I'm going.Willow: Uh, Angel? If I say something you really don't wanna hear, do you promise not to bite me? Angel: Are you gonna tell me that I'm jealous? Willow: Well, you do sometimes get that way. Angel: You know, I never used to. Things used to be pretty simple. A hundred years, just hanging out, feelin' guilty... I really honed my brooding skills. Then she comes along. Yeah, I get jealous. But I know people. And my gut tells me this is a wrong guy.Anya: It's like we live in Slayer Central. I swear, if Buffy rooms or boards one more of the potential girls, I'm gonna call a health inspector. Spike: I like my plan better. Get up, get out, get drunk, repeat as needed. It's just more elegant.Buffy: You know me, not much with the damseling.Spike: You'd think if the government was gonna put a chip in my head, they'd at least make it so that I could attack criminals and that sort. Buffy: Right, because muggers deserve to be eaten. You'll just have to get your rocks off fighting demons. [looking at her suggestively] Spike: There are other ways. Buffy: And to that, an extreme "See you later."Buffy: I now have my weapons categorized from A to Z, from "axe" to..."zee other axe".[answers phone] Buffy: Hello, Magic Box. [deep voice] Spike: Slayer. Buffy: Spike? [deep voice] Spike: Meet me at the cemetery. 20 minutes. Come alone. Buffy: Spike? [mutters under breath] Spike: Bloody hell. [normal voice] Spike: Yes, it's me. Buffy: You're... calling me on the phone? Spike: Just be there. Buffy: Why? Are you helping again? You have a lead on this frost monster thingy? Spike: Something like that, yeah. Thought you might be up for a little grunt work. Buffy: What? [whispering] Buffy: No, no grunting! [pause] Spike: I was talking shop, luv, but if you've got other ideas. You. Me. Cosy little tomb with a view. [Buffy hangs up quickly]

[after Anya decides to have an after-holiday sale] Giles: Brooms all around, then. Willow: Or I could whip up a jaunty self-cleaning incantation. It'll be like Fantasia. Giles: We all know how splendidly that turned out for Mickey. Willow: I think I'm a little more adept than a cartoon mouse. Tara: And you have more fingers which is good... cause then there's no need to wear those big, white gloves to overcompensate.Willow: What about Angel? Buffy: Angel? I can just see him in a relationship. 'Hi, honey, you're in grave danger. I'll see you next month.' Willow: He's not around much, it's true. Buffy: When he is around... it's like the lights dim everywhere else. You know how it's like that with some guys? Willow: Oh, yeah.Giles: I'm not supposed to have a private life? Buffy: No. Because you're very, very old and it's gross.Professor Maggie Walsh: So, the Slayer. Buffy: Yeah, that's me. Professor Maggie Walsh: We thought you were a myth. Buffy: Well, you were myth-taken.Spike: Oh, poor little lost girl. She doesn't fit in anywhere. She's got no one to love. Buffy: Me? I'm lost? Look at you, you idiot. Poor Spikey. Can't be a human, can't be a vampire. Where the hell do you fit in? Your job is to kill the slayer. But all you can do is follow me around making moon eyes. Spike: I'm in love with you. Buffy: You're in love with pain. Admit it. You like me... because you enjoy getting beat down. So really, who's screwed up? Spike: Hello. Vampire. I'm supposed to be treading on the dark side. What's your excuse?Buffy: I just don't want you to get your hopes up. Xander: Hopes? Oh, no no no no. There are no hopes. Anya and I are done. I love being single. I'm a strong, successful male who's giddy at the thought of all the women I will no doubt be dating in the near future. Buffy: Strong, successful males say "giddy"?Willow: Ask her to dance. Riley: Right. Dance. Wait. No. Willow: What's the matter? Riley: I can't dance. Willow: Then, talk. Keep eye contact. Funny is good, but don't be glib. And remember, if you hurt her, I will beat you to death with a shovel. [Riley looks frightened] Willow: A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend.Giles: It's not over. I-I-I suppose you know that. He'll come after you, particularly. His profile, uh, well, he? he's likely to strike out at the things that made him the most human. Buffy: You must be so disappointed in me. Giles: No. No, no, I'm not. Buffy: But this is all my fault. Giles: No. I don't believe it is. Do you want me to wag my finger at you and tell you that you acted rashly? You did. A-and I can. I know that you loved him. And... he... has proven more than once that he loved you. You couldn't have known what would happen. The coming months a-are gonna, are gonna be hard... I, I suspect on all of us, but... if it's guilt you're looking for, Buffy, I'm, I'm not your man. All you will get from me is, is my support. And my respect.Spike: Last night was... God, I'm such a jerk. I can't do this. Buffy: Spike... Spike: It was the best night of my life. If you poke fun at me you bloody well better use that 'cause I couldn't bear it. It may not mean that much to you. Buffy: I just told you it did. Spike: I know, I hear you say it, but... I've lived for sodding ever, Buffy, I've done everything. I've done things with you I can't spell, but I've never been close. To anyone, least of all you; until last night. All I did was hold you, and watch you sleep, and it was the best night of my life. So I'm yeah. Terrified.

[Buffy has said that Spike only loved her because she was unattainable] Spike: You listen to me. I've been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I'd prefer you didn't. I don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker; I follow my blood, which does not always rush in the direction of my head. So I've made a lot of mistakes. A lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred plus years, only one thing I've ever been sure of. You. Look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I tell you that I love you, it's not because I want you, or 'cause I can't have you, it has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try... I've seen your strength, and your kindness, I've seen the best and the worst of you and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You are a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy. Buffy: I don't... I don't want to be the one. Spike: I don't want to be this good-looking and athletic. We all have crosses to bear.Buffy: What part of punching you in the face do you not understand?Willow: You dreamed about Angel again? Buffy: Third night in a row. Willow: What did he do in the dream? Buffy: Stuff. Willow: Oh. Stuff. Was it one of those vivid dreams where you could feel his lips and smell his hair? Buffy: It had surround sound. I'm just thinking about him so much lately. Willow: You two are so right for each other. Except for the uh, Buffy: Vampire thing.Cordelia: We came here to do the thing I can never tell my father about because he still thinks I'm a good girl.[jumps down from window] Buffy: What are you doing here? Spike: I... Buffy: Five words. [counts on his fingers] Spike: Out... for... a... walk. [pause] Spike: ... bitch!

[to Cordelia] Buffy: Well, that works out great. You won't tell anyone that I'm the Slayer, and I won't tell anyone you're a moron.Cordelia: When did you become Martha Stewart? Buffy: First of all, Martha Stewart knows jack about hand-cut prosciutto. Xander: I don't believe she slays, either. Oz: Oh, I hear she can, but she doesn't like to.Faith: I've had my share of losers, but you - you boinked the undead.Faith: When I'm fighting, it's like the whole world goes away. I only know one thing: that I'm gonna win, and they're gonna lose. I *like* that feeling. Buffy: Well sure, beats that "dead" feeling you get when they win and *you* lose.Faith: You can't trust guys. Buffy: You can trust some guys. Really, I've read about them.Buffy: I just wanna get my life back, you know? Do normal stuff. Willow: Like date? Buffy: Well... Xander: Aw, you wanna date. I saw that half-smile, you little ***. [Buffy punches him on the arm] Xander: Ow. Buffy: All right... yes, date, and hang out and go to school and save the world from unspeakable demons. You know, I wanna do girlie stuff.Willow: Maybe we shouldn't be too coupley around Buffy. Cordelia: Oh, you mean 'cause of how the only guy that ever liked her turned into a vicious killer and had to be put down like a dog? Xander: Can she cram complex issues into a nutshell, or what?Buffy: Hey. Look at us. We came up with a plan, a good plan.Buffy: I can't believe you got into Oxford. Willow: It's pretty exciting. Oz: That's some deep academia there. Buffy: That's where they make Gileses. Willow: I know. I can learn, and have scones.Buffy: What should we do with the trio over here? Should we burn them? Willow: I brought marshmallows.

[impersonating Vamp Willow] Willow: I'm a *** fiend! Look at my outfit!Spike: How was your walk, pet? Drusilla: I met an old man. I didn't like him. He got stuck in my teeth.Spike: Ahhhh, my head. I think I'm sobering up. It's horrible. Ah... God... I wish I was dead.Willow: So, how did it go? Xander: On a scale from one to ten? It ***.Xander: You're considered somewhat cool. Oz: I am? Xander: Is it because you always tend to express yourself in short, non-commital sentences? Oz: Could be.Anya: Men like sports. I'm sure of it. Xander: Yes. Men like sports. Men watch the action movie, they eat of the beef, and they enjoy to look at the bosoms. A thousand years of avenging our wrongs, and that's all you've learned?Buffy: I'm gonna give you all a nice, fun, normal evening if I have to kill every person on the face of the Earth to do it. Xander: Yay?Anya: Look, I know you find me attractive. I've seen you looking at my ***. Xander: Nothing personal, but when a guy does that, it just means his eyes are open.Willow: This is so frustrating. Oz: Nothing useful? Willow: No, it's great. If we wanna make ferns invisible or communicate with shrimp, I've got the goods right here. Oz: Our lives are different than other people's.Willow: When I'm with a boy I like I can't say anything cool, or witty - or at all. I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.Buffy: Okay, that was too close for comfort. Not that slaying is ever comfy, but... you know what I mean.Xander: But you know what really bugs me? Okay, we were kissing, it was a mistake, but I know that was positively the last time we were ever gonna kiss. Willow: Darn tootin'. Xander: And they burst in rescuing us, without even knocking? I mean this is really all their fault. Buffy: Your logic does not resemble our earth logic. Xander: Mine is much more advanced.Xander: I can not stress enough how much I don't have plans.Xander: Is it too much to ask for a little backup? Buffy: I'm here for you Xand. I'm supporto gal.Angel: I lurk.Dawn: Lurk much? Spike: I wasn't lurking, I was standin' about. It's a totally different vibe.Giles: Since Angel lost his soul, he's regained his sense of whimsy.Xander: Are you ready to get down, you funky party weasel?Xander: Dorkhead? You lash me with your words.Buffy: Do - -do you think I chose to be like this? Do you have any idea how lonely it is, how dangerous? I would *love* to be upstairs watching TV or gossiping about boys or... God, even studying. But I have to save the world. Again.Xander: So, Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night? Buffy: Xander. Xander: I mean, how'd the *laying* go? No, I don't mean that either.Buffy: I didn't jump to conclusions. I took a small step, and conclusions there were.

[impersonating Vamp Willow] Willow: I'm a *** fiend! Look at my outfit!Spike: How was your walk, pet? Drusilla: I met an old man. I didn't like him. He got stuck in my teeth.Spike: Ahhhh, my head. I think I'm sobering up. It's horrible. Ah... God... I wish I was dead.Willow: So, how did it go? Xander: On a scale from one to ten? It ***.Xander: You're considered somewhat cool. Oz: I am? Xander: Is it because you always tend to express yourself in short, non-commital sentences? Oz: Could be.Anya: Men like sports. I'm sure of it. Xander: Yes. Men like sports. Men watch the action movie, they eat of the beef, and they enjoy to look at the bosoms. A thousand years of avenging our wrongs, and that's all you've learned?Buffy: I'm gonna give you all a nice, fun, normal evening if I have to kill every person on the face of the Earth to do it. Xander: Yay?Anya: Look, I know you find me attractive. I've seen you looking at my ***. Xander: Nothing personal, but when a guy does that, it just means his eyes are open.Willow: This is so frustrating. Oz: Nothing useful? Willow: No, it's great. If we wanna make ferns invisible or communicate with shrimp, I've got the goods right here. Oz: Our lives are different than other people's.Willow: When I'm with a boy I like I can't say anything cool, or witty - or at all. I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.Buffy: Okay, that was too close for comfort. Not that slaying is ever comfy, but... you know what I mean.Xander: But you know what really bugs me? Okay, we were kissing, it was a mistake, but I know that was positively the last time we were ever gonna kiss. Willow: Darn tootin'. Xander: And they burst in rescuing us, without even knocking? I mean this is really all their fault. Buffy: Your logic does not resemble our earth logic. Xander: Mine is much more advanced.Xander: I can not stress enough how much I don't have plans.Xander: Is it too much to ask for a little backup? Buffy: I'm here for you Xand. I'm supporto gal.Angel: I lurk.Dawn: Lurk much? Spike: I wasn't lurking, I was standin' about. It's a totally different vibe.Giles: Since Angel lost his soul, he's regained his sense of whimsy.Xander: Are you ready to get down, you funky party weasel?Xander: Dorkhead? You lash me with your words.Buffy: Do - -do you think I chose to be like this? Do you have any idea how lonely it is, how dangerous? I would *love* to be upstairs watching TV or gossiping about boys or... God, even studying. But I have to save the world. Again.Xander: So, Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night? Buffy: Xander. Xander: I mean, how'd the *laying* go? No, I don't mean that either.Buffy: I didn't jump to conclusions. I took a small step, and conclusions there were.

[Anya has offered Xander sex] Anya: I think it's the secret to getting you out of my mind. Putting you behind me. Behind me figuratively. I'm thinking face to face for the actual event itself. Xander: Ah, right. It's just we hardly know each other. I mean I like you. And you have a certain directness that I admire. But sexual interc - What you're talking about, well - and I'm actually turning into a woman as I say this - but it's about expressing something. And accepting consequences. Anya: Oh, I have condoms. Some are black. Xander: That's... that's very considerate.Principal Snyder: It's fuzzy-minded liberal thinking like that that gets you eaten.Spike: Whatcha doin', love? Drusilla: I'm naming the stars. Spike: You can't see the stars, love. That's the ceiling. Also it's day. Drusilla: No, I can see them. But I've named them all the same name, and there's terrible confusion.Angel: I'm trying to do what's right here, okay? I'm trying to think with my head instead of my heart. Buffy: Heart? You have a heart? It isn't even beating. Angel: Don't. Buffy: Don't what? Don't love you? I'm sorry you know what, I didn't know that I got a choice in that. I'm never gonna change. I can't change. I want my life to be with you. Angel: I don't. Buffy: You don't want to be with me? I can't believe you're breaking up with me.Buffy: I wish we could be regular kids. Angel: I'll never be a kid. Buffy: Okay then, a regular kid and her cradle-robbing creature-of-the-night boyfriend.Oz: So, do you steal weapons from the Army often? Willow: Well, we don't get cable, so we have to make our own fun.Spike: So when do we destroy the world, already?Buffy: You're right. We don't know how to fight it. We don't know when it'll come. Can't run, can't hide. Can't pretend it's not the end 'cause it is. Something's always been there to try and destroy the world, and we've beaten them back. Well, we're not dealing with them anymore. We're dealing with why they exist. Evil. The strongest. The First. Giles: Buffy, um, I-I know you're tired... Buffy: I'm beyond tired. I'm beyond scared. I'm standing on the mouth of hell and it's gonna swallow me whole. And it'll choke on me. We're not ready? They're not ready. They think we're gonna wait for the end to come, like we always do. I'm done waiting. They want an apocalypse? We'll give them one. Anyone else who wants to run? Do it now, 'cause we just became an army. We just declared war. From now on we won't just face our worst fears, we will seek them out. We will find them and cut out their hearts till the First shows itself for what it really is. And I'll kill myself. There is only one thing on earth more powerful than evil, and that's us. Any questions?Xander: Think of the happy. If we don't find what we're looking for, we're facing the apocalypse. Spike: Really? You're not just saying that?Xander: It's time for me to act like a man... and hide.Buffy: You can attack me, you can send assassins after me, that's fine. But nobody messes with my boyfriend.

Giles: I'm a Watcher, I haven't the skill. Buffy: Oh, come on. A stake through the heart, a little sunlight. It's like falling off a log. Giles: A slayer slays. A watcher... Buffy: Watches?Buffy: How long do you think that he can stay angry at me anyway? Willow: The emotional marathon man?Buffy: I didn't say that I'd never slay another vampire. It's not like I have all these fluffy bunny feelings for them, I'm just not gonna get way extracurricular with it.Buffy: I don't get it. Why would anybody want to make a girl? Xander: You mean when there's so many pre-made ones just laying around?Buffy: I gotta stop him before he unleashes unholy havoc and it's just another Tuesday night in Sunnydale.Buffy: I spent a good part of my allowance on this new cream rinse and it's neither creamy nor rinsey.Buffy: I-I-I have a few questions, about being the Slayer. What about... love? Not just boyfriend love. Spirit Guide: You think you're losing your ability to love. Buffy: I didn't say that... yeah. Spirit Guide: You're afraid that being the Slayer means losing your humanity. Buffy: Does it? Spirit Guide: You are full of love, you love with all your soul. It's brighter than the fire... blinding... that's why you pull away from it. Buffy: I'm full of love? I'm not losing it? Spirit Guide: Only if you reject it. Love is pain, and the Slayer forges strength from pain. Love... give... forgive. Risk the pain, it is your nature. Love will bring you to your gift. Buffy: What?Buffy: I'm sorry, it's just been a really weird day. Xander: Yeah, Buffy died and everything. Willow: Wow, harsh.Buffy: Love makes you do the wacky.Buffy: You need a personality, stat.Buffy: Oh look, a bad guy.Buffy: Okay, everyone look at me like I'm in a bunny suit because that's how stupid I feel like saying this.Buffy: People to see, demons to kill.Buffy: See, this is a school. And we have students and they check out books and then they learn things. Giles: I was beginning to suspect that was a myth.Buffy: Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood. Xander: That actually kinda turns me on. Buffy: I fear you.Buffy: What's with all the tragedy masks?

Xander: So, we Bronzin' it tonight? Willow: Wednesdays, kinda beat... Xander: Well, we could grind our enemies into talcum powder with a sledgehammer, but, gosh, we did that last night.Buffy: Vampires are creeps. Giles: Yes. That's why one slays them.Willow: Xander, wanna stay and help me? Xander: Are you kidding? Willow: Yes, it was a joke I made up.Angel: I can walk like a man but I'm not one.Anya: I don't know. You might survive. Andrew: No. You might survive. You can handle a weapon, you've been in this world for, like, a thousand years. I'm not so... I don't think I'll be okay. I'm cool with it. I think I'd like to finish out as one of those lame humans trying to do what's right. Anya: Yeah. Andrew: So. Wheelchair fight?Buffy: We're not all gonna make it. You know that. Spike: Yeah. Hey. Always knew I'd go down fightin'. Buffy: I'm counting on you... to protect her. Spike: Till the end of the world. Even if that happens to be tonight.Buffy: Have I ever let you down? Giles: Do you want me to answer that, or shall I just glare?Cordelia: I guess you should know since you helped raise that demon that killed that guy that time. Giles: Yes, do bring that up as often as possible.Giles: I'll bring the weaponry. Buffy: I'll bring the party mix.Xander: Oooh gang, did you hear that? A bonus day of class plus Cordelia. Mix in a little *** surgery and it's my best day ever.Xander: Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with deadboy on this one. Angel: Could you not call me that?Buffy: It must have been wonderful. To put on some fantabulous gown and go to a ball like a princess. And have horses and servants and yet more gowns.Buffy: I think I speak for everyone here when I say, huh?Buffy: Add it up, it all spells duh.Buffy: Ahh, it's okay. Gave Cord and I chance to spend some quality death time. Cordelia: And we got these free corsages.Buffy: Are you crazy? You just don't sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make noise when you walk, you stomp, or... yodel.Buffy: Cordelia, your mouth is open, sound is coming from it, this is never good.Buffy: Do you really love Xander? Cordelia: Well, he kinda grows on you, like... a Chia Pet.Buffy: God. I am so mentally challenged.Buffy: Hey, I know. Why don't you kill them? Giles: I'm a Watcher, I haven't the skill. Buffy: Oh, come on. A stake through the heart, a little sunlight. It's like falling off a log. Giles: A slayer slays. A watcher... Buffy: Watches?Buffy: How long do you think that he can stay angry at me anyway? Willow: The emotional marathon man?Buffy: I didn't say that I'd never slay another vampire. It's not like I have all these fluffy bunny feelings for them, I'm just not gonna get way extracurricular with it.Buffy: I don't get it. Why would anybody want to make a girl? Xander: You mean when there's so many pre-made ones just laying around?Buffy: I gotta stop him before he unleashes unholy havoc and it's just another Tuesday night in Sunnydale.Buffy: I spent a good part of my allowance on this new cream rinse and it's neither creamy nor rinsey.Buffy: I-I-I have a few questions, about being the Slayer. What about... love? Not just boyfriend love. Spirit Guide: You think you're losing your ability to love. Buffy: I didn't say that... yeah. Spirit Guide: You're afraid that being the Slayer means losing your humanity. Buffy: Does it? Spirit Guide: You are full of love, you love with all your soul. It's brighter than the fire... blinding... that's why you pull away from it. Buffy: I'm full of love? I'm not losing it? Spirit Guide: Only if you reject it. Love is pain, and the Slayer forges strength from pain. Love... give... forgive. Risk the pain, it is your nature. Love will bring you to your gift. Buffy: What?Buffy: I'm sorry, it's just been a really weird day. Xander: Yeah, Buffy died and everything. Willow: Wow, harsh.Buffy: Love makes you do the wacky.Buffy: You need a personality, stat.Buffy: Oh look, a bad guy.Buffy: Okay, everyone look at me like I'm in a bunny suit because that's how stupid I feel like saying this.Buffy: People to see, demons to kill.Buffy: See, this is a school. And we have students and they check out books and then they learn things. Giles: I was beginning to suspect that was a myth.Buffy: Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood. Xander: That actually kinda turns me on. Buffy: I fear you.Buffy: What's with all the tragedy masks?

[after knocking Giles unconscious] Buffy: When he wakes up, tell him... I don't know. Make something cool up, tell him I said it.Buffy: You know, I just woke up and I looked in the mirror and thought, "Hey, what's with all the sin." I need to change. I'm dirty, I'm bad with the sex, and the envy, and the loud music us kids listen to nowadays. Oh, I just *** at undercover.Cordelia: And if you get me out of this, I swear I'll never be mean to anyone ever again. Unless, they really deserve it or if it's that time of the month, in which case I don't think you or anyone else can hold me responsible...Cordelia: Gee Xander, what are you gonna teach when you fail in life? Advanced loser-being?Cordelia: Great, now I'm gonna be stuck with serious thoughts all day.Cordelia: Hello, Miss Not-Over-Yourself-Yet?Cordelia: Do you know what you are, Harmony? You're a sheep. Harmony: I'm not a sheep. Cordelia: You're a sheep. All you ever do is what everyone else does just so you can say you did it first. And here I am, scrambling for your approval, when I'm way cooler than you are 'cause I'm not a sheep. I do what I wanna do, and I wear what I wanna wear. And you know what? I'll date whoever the hell I wanna date. No matter how lame he is.Cordelia: I don't know. I just thought we were gonna do something, you know... classy. Xander: What's classier than bowling? Cordelia: Apart from everything ever?Cordelia: If we die in here, I'm gonna kick your ***, I mean it.Cordelia: What are you doing? Are you going like stalkerboy on me now?Cordelia: Xander, what's going on? Who died and made you Elvis?Giles: Alright. I'll just jump into my time machine, go back to the 12th century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show. Buffy: Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm.Buffy: She saw these scores and her head spun round and exploded. Giles: I've been on the Hellmouth too long. That was metaphorical, yes?Giles: This is the SATs, Buffy. Not connect the dots. Please pay attention. A low score can seriously harm your chances of getting into college. Buffy: Gee, thanks. That takes the pressure right off.Joyce: Something's gonna eat those babies? Principal Snyder: I think that is so wrong.Joyce: You belong in a good old fashioned college with keg parties and boys. Not here with Hellmouths and vampires. Buffy: Not really seeing the distinction.Oz: I can see why you would be upset. Oh, that was my sarcastic voice. Xander: You know, it sounds a lot like your regular voice. Oz: I've been told that.Oz: It's Willow, she's nearby. Cordelia: What? You can smell her? She doesn't even wear perfume. Oz: She's afraid. Cordelia: Oh my God, is this some sort of residual werewolf thing? This is very disturbing. Oz: I really agree.Principal Snyder: A lot of educators tell students, "Think of your principal as your pal." I say, "Think of me as your judge, jury, and executioner."Willow: I mean, why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h? 

Giles: Willow, I think we're a little too old to be spelling things out. Xander: A "bitca"?Willow: You just don't like him 'cause of that time he beat you up every day for five years. Xander: Yeah, I'm irrational that way.Xander: Calm may work for Locutus of the Borg here, but I'm freaked out, and I intend to stay that way.Xander: Does anyone remember when Saturday night meant date night? Cordelia: You sure don't.Xander: Generally speaking, when scary things get scared, not good.Xander: Hi, for those of you who just tuned in, everyone here is a crazy person.Xander: How could you let her go? Giles: As the soon-to-be-purple area on my jaw will attest, I did not "let" her go.Xander: I don't get this. The candy is supposed to make you feel all immature and stuff, but I've had a ton and I don't feel any diff-never mind.Xander: I wish dating was like slaying. You know, simple, direct, stake through the heart, no muss, no fuss.Xander: I'm not worried. If there's something bad out there, we'll find, you'll slay, we'll party.Xander: So, do we have to speak Spanish when we see him? 'Cause I don't know anything much besides "Doritos" and "chihuahua."Xander: The band, yeah. They're great. They march. Willow: Like an army. Except with music, instead of bullets, and usually no one dies.Xander: This is just too much. I mean, yesterday's my life like, uh oh, pop quiz. Today, it's rain of toads.Xander: Well, I guess that makes it official. Everybody's paired off. Vampires get dates. Hell, even the school librarian sees more action than me.Xander: Well, 'cause you never know if a girl's gonna say yes or if she's gonna laugh in your face and pull out your still-beating heart and crush it into the ground with her heel.Cordelia: It's in the bad side of town. Buffy: Where's that? Cordelia: It's about a half a block from the good side of town. We don't have a whole lot of town here.Xander: Well, yeah. I'd give anything to be able to turn invisible. I wouldn't use my powers to beat people up, but use my powers to protect the girl's locker room.Xander: When are you guys gonna stop making fun of me for dating Cordelia? Buffy: I'm sorry, but never.

[Nailing crosses around her doors] Willow: I'm going to have a hard time explaining this to my dad. Buffy: You really think this'll bother him? Willow: Ira Rosenberg's only daughter nailing crucifixes to her bedroom wall? I have to go to Xander's house just to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas every year. Buffy: Yeah, I see your point. Willow: Although it is worthwhile just to see Xander do the Snoopy dance.Buffy: You know, for someone who teaches human behavior, you might try showing some. Professor Maggie Walsh: It's not my job to coddle my students. Buffy: You're right. A human being in pain has nothing to do with your job. [walks away] Professor Maggie Walsh: I like her. Riley: Really? You don't think she's a little peculiar?Riley: I thought maybe we could have a little spread. Sandwiches, maybe some ants. Could be fun. Buffy: We were talking about a picnic? Riley: Oh... so, was that a conversation I actually had or one I was just practicing? Buffy: Practicing? Riley: Okay, yes, I have been known to do a little prep work before our conversations. It's not easy, you know, talking to you sometimes. It's like an oral exam. Buffy: Boy, that's just what every girl longs to hear. Riley: Well, you're tricky.Buffy: It's just... different, you know? A picnic. First of all, daylight. That's kind of a new venue, Buffywise. And the best part - he said that he would bring all the food, so all I have to do is show up and eat. Those are two things I'm really good at. Willow: So he's nice? Buffy: Very, very. Willow: And there's sparkage? Buffy: Yeah. He's... have you seen his arms? Those are... good arms to have.Buffy: I have to get away from that "bad boy" thing. There's no good there.Buffy: Hello to the pain. Willow: The pain is not a friend.Buffy: Oh, look at my poor neck... all bare and tender and exposed. All that blood, just pumping away. Giles: Oh, please. Spike: Giles, make her stop. Giles: If those two don't kill each other, I might lend a hand.Xander: Jeez. You mean Oz just sent for his stuff and didn't even call her? That's pretty harsh. Anya: I only wish I had my powers back. I'd liquefy his entrails for her. Xander: That's sweet.Buffy: Cool. Crossbow. Check out these babies. Goodbye stakes, hello flying fatality.Buffy: I thought a professional demon chaser like yourself would've figured it out by now. I'm the Slayer. Slay-er. Chosen One. She-who-hangs-out-a-lot-in-cemeteries? You're kidding. Ask around. Look it up: "Slayer, comma, the."Anya: Xander, you haven't been paying any attention to me tonight. Just peddling those processed food bricks. I don't know why. Xander: Well, let me put it in a way you'll understand. Sell bars, make money. Take Anya nice places, buy pretty things. Anya: That does make sense.Giles: But this is why I think we should all keep a level head in this. Willow: And I happen to think mine is the level head and yours is the one things would roll off of.Buffy: Cool. You guys can do the brain thing. I'm gonna go to class. Oz: Which could also be construed as the brain thing.

Willow: I just talked to Buffy, and yeah, I think she's feeling a little... insane. No, not bitchy crazy, more like homicidal maniac crazy. So I told her to come see you, 'kay?Xander: How could you say I'm using you? Anya: You don't care about what I think, you don't ask about my day. Xander: You really did turn into a real girl, didn't you? Anya: See? You make jokes during my pain.Anya: This isn't a relationship. You don't need me. All you care about is lots of orgasms. Xander: Okay, remember how we talked about private conversations? How they're less private when they're in front of my friends? Spike: Oh, we're not your friends. Go on. Giles: Please don't.Spike: I'm not having these two shag while I'm tied to a chair three feet away. Xander: That's not exactly one of my fantasies, either.Forrest: This is the burden we bear, brother. We have a gig that would inevitably cause any girl living to think we are cool upon cool. Yet, we must Clark Kent our way through the dating scene, never to use our unfair advantage. Thank God we're pretty.Spike: We're out of Weetabix. Giles: We are out of Weetabix because you ate it all. Again. Spike: Get some more. Giles: I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood. Spike: Yeah, well, sometimes I like to crumble up the Weetabix in the blood. Gives it a little texture. Giles: Since the picture you just painted means that I will never touch food of any kind again, you'll just have to pick it up yourself. Spike: Sissy.Adam: You failed me. Spike: Let's not quibble about who failed who.Cordelia: Nobody told me I was supposed to bring a gift. I was out of the loop on gifts. Giles: It's... it's traditional among... erm... people.[to Buffy] Adam: Aggression is a natural, human tendency - although you and I come by it another way.Angel: Don't worry. I'm not here to eat.Angel: I don't know why I'm here. Giles: Here? On earth? Angel: Yes. I should be in a demon dimension suffering from eternal agony. Giles: I'm not gonna particularly decline to argue with you there.Dawn: It's okay. You guys don't have to make a big deal for me. I'm only sleeping over here so Buffy and Riley can boink. Xander: No, no, that's not it at all, they just need time to, um, be tender. Relax. Anya: He's not very convincing is he?Angel: Buffy, careful with this gift. Lots of things that seem strong and good and powerful, they can be painful. Buffy: Like, say, immortality? Angel: Exactly. I'm dying to get rid of that. Buffy: Funny. Angel: I'm a funny guy.Buffy: Tonight ***. And, and look at me. Look at, look at stupid Buffy. Too dumb for college, and, and, and freak Buffy, too strong for construction work. And, and my job at the magic shop? I was bored to tears even before the hour that wouldn't end. And the only person I can even stand to be around is a... neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker.Willow: So he *is* a good vampire? I mean on a scale of one to ten. Ten being someone who's killing and maiming every night. One being someone who's... not.Anya: You're out of the crystal balls. Those babies are really popular wih the amateurs. Better restock and raise the price 10% - make it 15. Giles: Anya... Anya: Your cash register looks like squirrels nest in it. Giles: Anya... Anya: And the Hand of Glory packs some serious raw power. Better institute a 7-day background check for people who... Giles: Anya... Would you like a job? Anya: Okay. Giles: Good. Then we can talk shop... tomorrow. Anya: Okay... Boss.Dawn: What are you doing? Buffy: My boyfriend.

[on children] Joyce: They're such a... oh, I don't want to say burden, but... actually, I kind of *do* want to say burden.Giles: Only a true creature of evil can survive his touch. Xander: So, what's the problem? We send Cordy to go fight this guy and we go for pizza.Drusilla: We're going to destroy the world, wanna come? Angel: No, I'm more interested in destroying the slayer. Spike: Well, she's in the world so that should work out.Cordelia: This is *great*. There's an unkillable demon in town, Angel's joined his team, the Slayer's a basket case, I'd say we've hit bottom. Xander: I have a plan. Cordelia: Oh no, here's a lower place.Giles: Yes, Xander, once again you've managed to boil a complex thought down to its simplest possible form.Cordelia: I was using "watch her back" as a euphemism for "looking at her ***".[how to stop Der Kindestod] Buffy: Thought I might try violence.Giles: You should never be cowed by authority. Except, of course, in this instance where I am clearly right and you are clearly wrong.Xander: "Something weird is going on"? Isn't that our school motto?Buffy: Giles, are you sure about this? Giles: Why wouldn't I be? Buffy: Well, aside from the fact that most magic shop owners in Sunnydale have the life expectancy of a Spinal Tap drummer, have you ever run a store before?Buffy: I'm rash and impulsive. It's a flaw.Spike: Can I eat him now, love?Buffy: Impulsive? Do you remember my ex-boyfriend, the vampire? I slept with him, he lost his soul, now my boyfriend's gone forever, and the demon that wears his face is killing my friends. The next impulsive decision I make will involve my choice of dentures. Willow: Okay, the Angel thing went badly, I'm on board with that, but that's not your fault. And anyways, love isn't always like that. Love can be... nice.Buffy: . .And my God could you have a dorkier outfit?Buffy: This is not the mother ship people. This ugly dead come to play.Buffy: It'd be simpler if I could just hate him. I think he wanted me to. I think it made it easier for him to be the villain of the piece. Really he was just scared. Giles: Yes, I suppose he was. Buffy: Nothing's ever simple anymore. I'm constantly trying to work it out. Who to love or hate. Who to trust. It's just, like, the more I know, the more confused I get. Giles: I believe that's called growing up. Buffy: I'd like to stop then, okay?Buffy: Why are you standing in my room hugging Mr. Gordo? Angel: Mr. Gordo? Buffy: The pig.Buffy: Color me stunned.Buffy: Giles, what gives? You're stuck in pace mode... That's okay, have a cow.Buffy: I have no time to shop, yet my hair and fingernails continue to grow. So, what's the diff?Buffy: Get with the program Giles. I'm a teen, I'm not yet mature.Buffy: Note to self - religion = freaky.Willow: Oh yeah, a research party. Xander: Will, you need a life in the worst way.Giles: This ring is worn only by members of the Order of Taraka. It's a society of deadly assassins dating back to King Solomon. Xander: ...and didn't they beat the Sunnydale Elks in the Adult Bowling Tournament? Giles: Their credo is to sow discord and to kill the unwary. Xander: Bowling is a vicious game.Cordelia: What am I, mass transportation? Xander: That's what most of the guys say, but that's just locker room talk. I wouldn't pay it any mind.Xander: If you wanna be part of the Scooby Gang, you gotta put up with some inconvenience.Buffy: Thanks for the wake up call, but I think I'll stick to my clock radio.

Giles: Buffy, you technically were dead. Buffy: I was only gone for a minute. Giles: That's why Kendra is here. You were dead. Buffy: Would you stop saying that? I was only dead for a little while.Willie The Snitch: What are ya going to do with him? Spike: I'm thinking maybe dinner and a movie. I don't want to rush anything. I've been hurt before.Kendra: We have to go back to your Watcher to get orders. Buffy: I don't take orders. I do things my way. Kendra: No wonder you died. Buffy: Let's go.Buffy: Ooh, good plan. Let's go, charge. Not quite, John Wayne.Willow: There's a Slayer handbook? Buffy: Wait. Handbook? What handbook? How come I don't have a handbook? Willow: Is there a T-shirt, too? 'Cause that would be cool...Xander: Oh, here we go. I am the bug man, coo coo cachoo.Buffy: My emotions give me power. They're total assets.Kendra: I would've wiped the floor with you. Buffy: I woulda kicked your *** in the end. No imagination.Kendra: You tink he might help us? Buffy: I tink we might make him.

[about Angel] Xander: Man, that guy got major neck in his day.Xander: Angel's our friend, except I don't like him.Spike: Rebecca of Sunnyhell Farm and her mates will die.Kendra: Tat's me favorite shirt... tat's me only shirt.Oz: That's okay, I don't do thanks. I turn all red and have to bail. It's not a pretty sight.Oz: Want some animal crackers? Willow: No thanks. Oz: You know the monkey is the only cookie animal that gets clothes... .I wonder if the hippo is like, 'Hey, were are my clothes?' and the monkey is like, 'I mock you with my monkey pants.'... All monkeys are French, you didn't know that?Xander: Willow, you're the best human ever. I adore you. This may be the cookies talking, but you're the best.Willow: My head... it feels big. Is it big? Oz: No, it's head size.Xander: Calvary's here. Calvary's a frightened guy with a rock, but it's here.Giles: It's a trick. They get inside my head and make me see things I want. Xander: Then why would they make you see me? Giles: Oh, right. Let's go.Dawn: I like how you talk to me like I can understand things. Everyone else is being all twitchy and secretive. Spike: They're just trying to keep you safe, I expect. Dawn: I feel safe with you. Spike: Take that back.Anya: I'm thinking about buying something very expensive. Maybe an antelope.Spike: If you want me to leave, you can put your hands on my hot, tight little body and move me.Anya: Don't you watch television? I thought all children despise effort and enjoy cartoons.Tara: Sweetie, you wouldn't blow off class if your head was on fire.Buffy: Spike, you're a killer. And I should've done this years ago. Spike: You know what? Do it. Bloody just do it. Buffy: What? Spike: End... my... torment. Seeing you, every day, everywhere I go, every time I turn around. Take me... out of a world... that has you in it. Just kill me."Spike: Come on. I can feel it, Slayer. You know you want to dance. Buffy: Say it's true. Say I do want to. It wouldn't be you, Spike. It would never be you. You're beneath me.Buffy: Go ahead, Giles. Do it. Tell me to kill my sister.Buffy: Hi, Oz! Oz: Hi. Buffy: I seem to be having a slight case of nudity here. Oz: But you're not a rat. So call it an upside.Hank: At least when she was burning stuff down I knew what to say.Glory: Did anybody order an apocalypse?Buffy: How was school today? Dawn: The usual, big square building filled with boredom and despair. Buffy: Just how I remember it.

Ben: Two steaming cups of chocolate goodness courtesy of whoever I swiped it from out of the cupboard. Couldn't find any marshmallows. I'll try to steal some for next time. Dawn: Don't like 'em anyway. Ben: What? Is that even possible? Dawn: Too squishy. When I was five, Buffy told me they were monkey brains...Jinx: No one can stand against Her Blindingly Scrumptious Luminescence. Ben: Glory. Her name is Glory, and she's your God, you little scab, not mine. Jinx: With all due respect, and fear of sharp object, you exist, sir, only because of Her Divine Greatness. Ben: You mean Her Divine Failure, don't you?Ben: You know why I wanted to become a doctor? Jinx: Flattering drawstring pants?Anya: Anybody else feel that? Willow: What? Anya: Cold draft of paralyzing fear?Anya: Overwhelming? How much more than "whelming" would that be, exactly?Xander: The glorified bricklayer picks up a spare.Buffy: You're like a serial killer in jail. Spike: Women marry 'em all the time.Buffy: What part of punching you in the face did you not understand?Xander: He can come along any minute. Buffy: Yeah, and the minute after that, I can terrify him with my alarming strength and remarkable self-involvement.Giles: Clearly we're looking for a depraved, sadistic animal. Oz: Present. Hey, I may be a cold blooded jelly doughnut, but my timing's impeccable.Buffy: I thought, Homecoming Queen, I could open a yearbook someday and say 'I was there, I went to high school and had friends and for just one minute I got to live in the world.' And then there'd be proof. Proof I was chosen for something other than this. Besides, I look cute in a tiara.Xander: Some of Buffy's friends played a funny joke. They took her stuff, and now she wants us to help get it back from her friends who sleep all day and have no tans.Willow: Buffy's looking at Parker. Who, it turns out, has a reflection, so big plus there.[after Xanders basement leaks] Spike: My soddin' chairs all... sodden.[Spike takes a lackadaisical approach to saving Giles' life] Giles: You might have let me in on your plan while he throttled me. Spike: Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes? Cup o' tea, cup o' tea, almost got shagged, cup o' tea.Xander: Oh look, demons. Don't see those everyday, unless you're us.Anya: And babies. You've got to plan babies, or they'll run rough-shod over your whole existence.Cordelia: I'm the dip.Buffy: See... [points to Dawn's necklace] Buffy: You're Dawn. [looks down] Dawn: "Or, 'umad.'"Buffy: How long was I gone? Spike: Hundred forty-seven days yesterday. Uh... hundred forty-eight today. 'Cept today doesn't count, does it? How long was it for you... where you were? Buffy: Longer.Spike: Uh... I do remember what I said. The promise. To protect her. If I had done that... even if I didn't make it... you wouldn't have had to jump. But I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but... after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again... do something different. Faster or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways... Every night I save you.Xander: Angel? Anya: So this is Angel. He's large and glowery, isn't he? Xander: He's evil again. Angel: I'm not evil again. Why does everyone think that?Giles: I had no idea that children en masse could be gracious.Spike: I'm saying that Spike had a little trip to the vet, and now he doesn't chase the other puppies anymore.Spike: I wish I was dead. Buffy: Well, if you close your eyes and wish real hard...Anya: Discovery Channel has monkeys. And our tape machine's all wonky.Buffy: Last night was the most perverse, degrading experience of my life.