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metzelly...... fic: UngratefulTitle: UngratefulAuthor: drbillbongoFandom: Football RPSDisclaimer: Neither of them are mine. I just borrowed them to play, but I promise I'll give them back for the upcoming games.Pairing: Sebastian Kehl/Christoph Metzelder (unestablished) with Sebastian/Tina on the sideRating: PGSummary: Sebastian is ungrateful.Warning: Angst! Word Count: 666Author's Note: I totally blame jadecooper for this. She said she'd write me Metzelly, but probably not before the next European Championship, and after this conversation, the Kehly!muse suddenly entered my head and started angsting. I don't know why he decided he wanted to angst, but eventually, I had to succumb to that, and this is the result.My eternal thanks go to: alex_andras for the faster-than-light beta! <3<3<3!*****Sebastian Kehl had everything a man could wish for.As a professional football player, he was one of the few people who were good at something they enjoyed doing, and in his case, making ends meet was rather an understatement. Even his future was secure, for there was a hotel just waiting for him to run it.To make it all worthwhile, he had a pretty girlfriend, whom he loved more than he had ever loved a woman before. Tina was really special. He would never have thought he'd meet someone like her. The perfect woman. And he was about to become the father of her child.In Christoph Metzelder, Sebastian had the best friend a man could have. They were team mates, yes, but there was so much more to Metze than that. He was always there when Sebastian needed him, always had good advice for him, and they shared the same sense of humour. They would never get tired of each other.Sebastian used to think that this was enough, and in the past whenever someone had asked him about the three things a man really needed in life, he had always mentioned financial security, a family and friends.He used to say it with absolute conviction. He used to mean it. Until he came to realize that it wasn't true.He chided himself for being horribly ungrateful whenever that little voice in the back of his head told him that he wanted something more than that to be happy.An ordinary man would be overjoyed to be that lucky, to have what he had. A grateful man would cherish it and be satisfied. A sane man wouldn't want anything else.***Sebastian Kehl had everything a man could wish for; the problem was just that it wasn't what he wished for. What he wished for was different, much different, and entirely impossible.What he wished for was the world turned upside down, but the world wouldn't turn upside down for him just like that. It was within his reach, the big red button he just had to push to throw everything over, make everything new. It would destroy his world as he knew it, and there were no guarantees, no refunds and no securities.The prospect of a better, happier life would come at a higher price than he dared to pay.This was why he accepted what he had, accepted to abide by the things he couldn't change without leaving anything but destruction behind.This was why Metze continued to be his personal Jesus, someone who was there but to whom he could never be as close physically as he was in spirit.He didn't tell Metze what he wished so dearly. He pretended that nothing had happened, that everything was still the same. He joked with him and about him, he hugged him, he was there for him when needed, he appreciated the attention he got from his best friend. He might look at him too long on occasion, might flash him a more than just friendly smile without noticing, but he would not speak.He stayed with Tina, showed her every day that she was loved and cherished for being his woman, his girlfriend. He awaited the birth of his child like a young boy awaiting his own birthday, hoping beyond hope that it would change everything, that it would make him happy.He tried to be grateful. He tried to convince himself that this was what he wanted, and when it didn't work, he tried to make the best of it.It was not entirely fair to Tina, but it was not fair to him, either.And love was not about fairness. Love was not fair. Love was not a game, had no rules, no referees, and there were no winners.Love was about commitment; and the reasons for which he had entered into this commitment and not cancelled it were nobody's business but his own, as was the pain that accompanied it.
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